It Is So Ordered!

Now, those of you who watch TV during the day and don't have cable may recognize "it is so ordered" as the battle cry (if you will) of Judge Lynn Toler on Divorce Court (Mon-Fri, 10 & 10:30AM on My9). If you didn't recognize it, maybe you have a job. (I have a job- I just don't start until 2) But worry not, because Judge Toler is getting her own prime time show, Decision House, this fall! Plus, you kids with your newfangled DVRs and such could always record it so your job is no excuse as far as I am concerned!

As it turns out, for so many reasons, I am my father's daughter! I love a good Judge show!! If I had to pick favorites- well, I would include Judge Toler and of course, Judge Alex (tough justice!) and then there's the granddaddy of 'em all- The People's Court, currently presided over by Judge Milian! I literally, have these shows on as background noise all morning! Don't judge me people- it is that or The View! This fall, they removed my dad's favorite Judge... Judge Joe Brown. I can't speak for the whole country, but he will be sorely missed on the NY Metro programming schedule! Judge Joe Brown was the only Judge of color on TV.

I mention that because they have taken him off and replaced him with a very colorful judge indeed. Introducing Judge David Young! "Justice with a Snap!" is his slogan, people! Today he was dealing with a case that involved a pure-bred puppy and he asked the litigant if she was a breeder. When she replied, "I am trying to be" he responded, "I tried to be a breeder, too. Not very hard, of course." (insert canned laughter here) Yesterday, he was asking a defendant if the "prince" he borrowed money from was "the Prince" and went on to ask, "maybe it was a Queen. Did I lend you money?" On the website, I learned that he hails from Miami where he lives with his partner and their dog, Maggie. Sometimes, he sings show tunes. Am I painting a colorful enough picture here?

My problem with him is this... a) I like my Judge shows like I like my men, with a set of balls! Toler, Milian, Alex (who I am sure has a last name) balls! Metaphorically speaking and b) beside myself, my Dad and Diane- I am pretty sure the folks that watch these show are at home, middle America, jobless, individuals. The ads that run during these programs include those for people with "little or no credit", "who can't get a good job because they don't have a degree" and "you bet your sweet Aspercreme". I don't want to paint with too wide a brush here but I am pretty sure these are not the folks who need to see the most stereotypical, homosexual performance since Richard Dreyfuss' in the shit remake of Poseidon. Way too move us forward TV execs!! I suspect that he had to replace Judge Joe Brown because only one "barely believable" Judge can be accepted at a time by their target audience. What a sad commentary about those who are not the perfect picture of acceptable in this country. We can't have a gay judge and a black judge on TV! We can only have one famous fat actress at a time! (for the record- I believe it is currently America Ferrera- a ginormous size 6!!!!) (by no means am I saying that the Emmy winning actress isn't incredibly deserving. I don't watch Ugly Betty but from Real Women Have Curves to Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, she is consistently fantastic but a big girl? Only if you compare her to the de rigeur size 1 petites.)

I gotta go. It is time to change the channel to Christina's Court. She's the softest of the Judge circuit. I don't particularly enjoy her but its that or the news and I prefer my bullshit served up as such instead of sprayed with a burst of Oust like "real"! It is so ordered!