The Most Delicious Part of Our Fall Harvest Dinner?

Well, the food was darn good but it was no JAKE!

Jake is friggin' delicious!

WAY Too Cool For School...

Paul Newman

1925-2008

Yeah, yeah...

...I watched the debate. Not uber-impressed with either but especially annoyed at the moderator who apparently had cut off times, just didn't want to actually cut anyone off! Jim, Jim, Jim...

But in much more exciting viewing news- AL & I screened Another Cinderella Story starring teen sensation, Selena Gomez (who is actually 16 and playing a 16 year old!! I know, NUTS! 'Course she looks 12....) who is actually a charming little triple threat! The story is fine, the dancing is good, the singing is fine but the prize, the creme de la creme, the reason for anyone (even non-nannies) to sit through it- JANE LYNCH!! She is always fantastic but as "evil" step-mother & over the hill pop star, Dominique Blatt- she is laugh out loud HI-larious!! Seriously- rent it. (And try to over look the fact that the male lead- Drew Seeley, though talented, is actually 26... and also playing a teenager opposite a teenager who looks prepubescent.)

O M G!!!

Happy Birthday, Aidan!!!! XOXO

Technically, your birthday has been over for 31mins but just because

I am late doesn't mean I love you any less!!

(It is, however, a pattern you should get used to now! I know when birthdays are-

I just don't oft know the days of the week let alone the date!)

Say Hello To My Little Friends!

How AMAZING is Anya Garrett??? I have a ton to choose from so I will be soliciting opinions for the next several days but in the meantime... You need pics? Who you gonna call? ANYA!

http://www.anyagarrett.com/

The Best Humor Is Based in TRUTH!

PS... my favorite bit it when Paul hails a Taxi from outside is Vietnam prison torture cell!

I am Suspending My Campaign, too!

And with all that free time, I thought- I need a gnome karaoke day! Sadly, this won't save Wall Street (but I kinda don't give a shit... they made their beds of gold and if they can't afford their money blankets- how the hell is this my problem?)... but it sure was fun! Jenn Ritchie was there, too. She sings WAY better than the gnome but don't tell him- he has a tiny ego?!

A short temper?! A wee inferiority complex?!

He, too, has to fly first class instead of private until the economy passengers bail his ass out?

(The gnome LOVES his Alanis!)

The Leaves Change Color...

So, why not ye olde blog?!

Well?? What do you think??

Apparently choosing a wall color for my blog is much easier than one for my bedroom!!

And now there is a TOP 5 list for me to update daily! Which you should feel free to make suggestions for... You may have to comment on a post?? Hmmmm....

Seasons Change. And so does my blog!

(Feelings change... It's been so long since I had you yet it feels like yesterday...

Where is Expose now?!)

WHAT??? GAY???

NO WAY!!!

I Grew Food!

Sadly, not food that I eat but my taster approved of my very first Big Bertha Pepper!!

Happy First Day of Fall!

She's Baaaack!!

OK... so this was not a good weekend. But what was, well I was going to say "the oddest thing" about it but I am not sure that's true so.... Among the oddest things about it is the continued presence of my Mantis friend! On Saturday, she was in the plants again- how I saw her, I have no idea. And on Sunday, she was just sitting in the sunshine (having a conversation with Turbo the Gnome)... I went to take some more pics and she just sat and stared at me. A little creepy, a LOT cool!

Thus, me being me- I looked up her symbolic meaning... And learned "the mantis comes to us when we need peace, quiet and calm in our lives". I also learned that she "denotes one who is a spiritual hypocrite". And that she is "there to eat bugs. That's it." But I hit the jackpot with this breakdown below... And I found it terribly interesting!! The thing is- I know she is here to eat bugs. She has a fucking lion's share at the BFG Apartment (my Dad thinks I should invite her in!) but to have not seen a Mantis since I worked at Plainville Farms Restaurant Cicero, NY (when one was simply waiting with me on the sidewalk as I waited for some boy) and then to have one living on your patio who continues to make her appearance known to you?? Sorry- this message is from my Grandpa. (My Nona would not send a bug, neither would my Gram). It's as if he is saying, "be still, girl." And I should listen... and maybe find her a bug!


The Praying Mantis
The praying mantis has a great deal of myth and lore associated with it. Its name comes from the manner in which they hold up the forepart of the body, with its enormous front legs, as though in an attitude of prayer.
Martial art forms in China have adopted specific movements of the mantis into their practices. These movements help the student reconnect with their personal chi or energy. The discovery of how energy moves through our body, what it is projecting and where energy blocks are located can be a great aid in healing ourselves. Those with this totem would benefit from prayer, meditation and martial arts.
These amazing creatures serve the earth and her people in various ways. They consume large amounts of insects helping to maintain ecological balance. Excellent hunters with an efficient attack strategy the praying mantis always knows the right moment for attack and for retreat. Time in the linear sense is irrelevant to the mantis. They move according to their inner instincts and remind us to do the same. Moving effortlessly between worlds the mantis is associated with time travel. They help us break out of linear time and move according to our personal bio rhythms.
The praying mantis can remain motionless for an indefinite period. This ability helps them blend with their environment becoming invisible to predators. They hold the secrets of materialization and de-materialzation and awaken this ability in people who hold this medicine. Perception through stillness is part of its teaching.
Patient, perceptive and focused this little totem holds a powerful message. When it appears in your life it is asking you to direct your energy, your thoughts or your actions in a different way. Asking the following questions can give you the insight necessary to motivate appropriate changes. Have I lost patience with a particular situation? Have I been too patient, and if so, has this had a detrimental affect on me? Is my perception correct regarding a situation? Have I become narrow minded? Am I focused on my objective?

from www.sayahda.com

Two Years Ago RIGHT NOW...

...I was getting off a plane and racing to my B&B to get ready for Sarah's wedding.

Clearly, that was a good decision on my part.

The last semi-sober pic of that day... My first with Matt and my first with a cigar.

(Other good decisions? Drinking a bottle of red with a Crunchie Bar for dinner -which, fyi, makes my menu for the day... tea, Ring Ding, banana with chocolate, Crunchie and Bottle of Red, then napping from 7:30 to midnight, watching Predator 1&2 just in reverse order and cracking open bottle number 2. Which brings us to now...)
I think that pretty much covers the last two fucking years of my life.

Because I hate Cheaters!

I don't know this Tammie. Regular or Otherwise.

I found her comments on Hasselbeck amusing

but my real blogging heart still belongs to Two Can Anne.

Go. Love Doodle*. Love Anne.

*Doodle is Anne's delcious cat. Doodle has a camera collar and a photography career. This is Doodle (ripped right off of Anne's blog- www.annealtman.blogspot.com) posing in front of one of the pictures she took. Seiously. Anne has one talented pussy. How could I ever stray?

**For the record... Doodle is a cat and a photographer and has achieved celebrity status in the blogging community. I am watching Jurassic Park on USA, had a Ring Ding for breakfast and I am still in my pajamas. Hmmmm....

But WHY???

She is so witty and insightful!? Life is SO NOT FAIR!

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is considering trading her 'View' gig for an anchor position on Fox, says Celebitchy. Rumor has it that the conservative hostess has been fighting with boss Barbara Walters for weeks, so she wants to move to greener pastures on a red channel. (Sept. 19)

And thanks to my girl, Sarah, for sending the v. funny "8 Reasons Why I Hate EH" from the blog of Irregular Tammie! No clue who this Tammie is but she is indeed funny! And for me, that is usually enough! http://irregular-tammie.blogspot.com/2008/05/eight-reasons-i-hate-elizabeth.html

Leave Your Umbrellas At Home!

These women make me want to lose my bra, gain 50lbs and make all my male friends wear Speedos! For fun... youtube the Geri Halliwell cover- Great bod. No soul. Lame vocals.

Marjorie Says....

"Don't let one monkey stop the show."

(Marjorie* on... MEN!)

(Marjorie is 75 and lookin' for her 6th husband, btw! AMEN, Sista! And she says the greatest things! This is the first time I had heard this one! But I am listening and ready to pay her wisdom forward!!)

Ahh, Insect Wild Kingdom...

And so, in a continuing saga of an apartment that's gone to the bugs... Today, I decided to cut back my hedges (ok- it's a weed. Most likely ragweed, actually but it provides shelter from the masses so I call it a hedge!) and as I was hacking away, I felt something tickle my armpit. Thinking it was a branch, I went to brush it away and it walked up my shoulder!!! It was my new friend- Praying Mantis!! I did knock her off me and she gave me a dirty look but then was terribly happy to hang out on my leg while I took many many pictures! I set her free with a wave and a

"Go! Bite heads off the bastards!" and went in to shower! Just another day at the BFG Apartment!

Same Zip, Whole New Ball Game!

90210. Didn't really watch it when it was on the first time around. Sure, I knew the basic story line and had seen enough episodes to chat about it in class but was no fanatic! And now- well, now I am nanny to a teenage girl so I am up to my ears in 90210. Way better than Gossip Girl! LOL! I have a huge problem with this new version however.... Could it be the opening scene of episode one in which a chick is blowing the hot lead Dylan-esque fella in his car? Puh-lease, they have been screwing on One Tree Hill since they were sophomores. Could it be that a show about privileged, rich brats that act like adults long before they are ones is a bad influence? No. That was new 20 years ago but now is a dime a dozen and kids today do know the difference between TV and reality- most of the time. Could it be the fact that these chicks wear less clothes to school then I do to bed? Not yet- as they all appear to wear panties still which is good. (Although, I am pretty sure that Bella picked out their friggin' stilettos! Remember that? It was such a bitch getting to Social Studies on the 2nd Floor with my 4 inch pumps on!)

Here is my issue. Shannen Doherty was 19 when 90210 premiered less than 20 years ago. She was 5'2" and 120lbs according to her resume (and US Weekly). AnnaLynne McCord- the new 90210s misunderstood vixen- is 21 (playing a 16 yr. old, FYI). She is 5'7" tall and 110lbs! Jennie Garth? She was 18, 5'5" and 130lb (she was the fat one)... Shenae Grimes- innocent, corn fed, transplant to Beverly Hills- is 5'3" and 90lbs!!! She's 19, btw. Only Tori Spelling and Jessica Stroup clock in at the same malnourished 105lbs. Though Miss Stroup has 2 inches and 3 years on Tori back in the day.

I can tell my 14/15 year old peeps that we don't dress or act like whores unless we want to be treated like ones and they get that. They don't do it. They don't admire Britney or Jamie Lynn or the poor extra who got the gig as "blow job giver". However, when my 14 year old wakes up and claims she needs breakfast because she is a "fatty"..... I am incensed!!! Incensed!!! Could I lose a few (thousand) pounds? Sure. But would she look sickly if she lost 2- YES!!! What are we doing to our poor girls??? I feel like I have been on this particular soap box for way too long! We should love our daughters because they are strong and smart and funny and lovely and healthy and in need and show them that those are the characteristics we honor and adore. Fuck it- I need a Ring Ding!

Song Sung Blue...

Sometimes the sadness comes in waves.

Big, fat, overwhelming tsunami waves.

Music soothes and stirs. And the heart is tired and empty.

But too shattered to hold the water in.

This constant longing exhausts me

Until I am consumed and blue.

In England, the Owl says Twit Twoo!

Here in America, however, I just want an owl! Not a real owl, of course, but I keep seeing owls and I want to own them! Today alone, I wanted owl earrings at Claire's and an owl statue thing at TJ Maxx. So weird! I looked owls up in my book of Native American Animal Medicine (it is a real book and yes, I do own it...) and owls symbolize deception. Not in a "the owl is a deceiver" but in a "no one can deceive an owl" way. And if you buy into this whole "what is the owl trying to tell me" crap that my book is sellin' (and oddly, I do)... then this is what the owl is trying to tell me... "You (meaning me, I guess) may be a little frightening to be around, since so many people have ulterior motives which you (me again) see right through. Owl is befriending you (um, me) and aiding you (whooo me?) in seeing the total truth. The truth always brings further enlightenment." What a hoot, huh? Me... seeing what is real despite what I am being told? Frightening people because they know I know the truth? Yeah, it's weird. Nothing like that is present in my life right now.... Twit Twoo, indeed.

A Delightful New Game!

Ahhh, The Lost Summer. So, much badness... but among the goodness is karaoke! My beautiful songbird- Jenn Ritchie (who is so amazing she gives me goosebumps!) and I have been rockin' the Duet 35 for the last several weeks. Once a week, couple o' hours but it is oh, so good for me! Not just the time with my friend (which is priceless) but the singing!

And we are off the hook, yo! Kickin' it old school, belting the Broadway, harmonizing on karaoke classics, and even some hard core rap (admittedly, that is usually me and it is usually something... I can't help it. Bring on the Ludacris! Or Lil' Mama as my lip gloss is indeed, poppin'!)

Now how is this a new game for you? Well, I am gonna call it Karaoke Snaps! I took some pics of the screen mid-song (the videos! the videos, people!) and YOU need to guess the tune! And there will be a prize so, comment... email/text me with your guesses... phone a friend...

I made this first round pretty easy so- GOOD LUCK!

The Light At The End...

So, just a brief run down of my last week or so... Sunday: return (late) from England with overwhelming jumble of feelings though proud of myself Monday: emotional narcolepsy kicks in and I spend the day asleep and feeling gross Tuesday: report to Nannyland after telling my shrink (who just returned from vacation) that I just returned from England (that went well, btw) Ma&Pa Nannyland leave for Georgia Wednesday: First day of high school chaos, prep for first day of middle school (and discussions of state of parental absence)- both endless Thursday: First day of middle school fun, hour long parent orientation for lone non-parent, prep dog for flight, head to airport at 3, leave for Utah (late).... Friday: Wake at 6AM head to SLC airport to return to NYC, arrive at 4ish to wall of anger due to surprise call from Big Brother, hints of Hurricane H delay trip to Hamptons, Saturday: Head to Hamptons stopping to school shop along the way and departing Hicksville in monsoon, arrive Hamptons to find the spare key was not put back and we are locked out, slosh around yard in torrential downpour and break in, fight alarm, snuggle in for showing of classic film, 9 to 5 when power goes out!!!, send text notification that I quit and get denied, forced to kill time at 24 hour grocery store, finally get power back and go to bed at midnight Sunday: forget children's meds (want hitman to take me out at The Golden Pear), homework (why IS history important?), wave of nausea delays departure to outlets, more school shopping, depart for NYC, have scheduled call with Big Brother in which younger siblings have collectively 12 words to say, more homework, bed, vomiting, sleep finally arrives only to be interrupted by child with itchy bug bites/Restless Leg Syndrome, don't kill child but administer Benedryl Monday: school departures, chat with Moms at middle school, water turned off in Nannyland so head to own apartment (map quested it as had forgotten) to see if it was still standing, beautiful bouquet of flowers in entryway, sheer anger boils brain at the unfairness of life that my neighbors who couldn't remember to put the fucking garbage out in the two weeks I was gone get fucking flowers, discover flowers are

FOR ME!!!!!

ME!!

A delicious treat from my dear, sweet, Anne in admiration of my well, chutzpah. I wanted to dive in and live in the vase so fantastic was the timing of their delivery! I called Anne to say thank you but I am not sure that words can possibly express how completely the arrival of these flowers turned the tide. And most likely saved the lives of people I work for who arrived home hours later than they were supposed to! Thank you, Anne. The flowers are beautiful and yet pale in comparison to my love for you! And though I had to leave them and go back to homework (math & english), dinner, explaining that Mom & Dad were going to be late, and then the pretense of being happy to see them.... it all floated along toward returning home in a much lighter way!

Tuesday: compare my freedom from Nannyland to emancipation of slaves.

Robb Leigh Davis declares rightfully that I have finally lost my mind!

(and that that speech should open our show- PC, My Ass!),

eat ice cream, smell flowers, SLEEP!

A Little Slow on The Uptake but....

...I share for those who don't watch!
And because funny is funny,

no matter what Party you would rather be at!

Crushworthy!

Having heard/seen/Teen mag'ed the Brothers Jonas for a while now (I am a nanny, people)... I finally get it. They have finally been deemed crushworthy by yours truly after their fab performance on the VMAs last night. (Though not surpassing the instant crush I developed on Chris Brown last year!) And in a surprising twist, I may have a slight longing for more Russell Brand. Pop Bitch called him "unpredictable, witty and offensive" and I totally concur! (Though I think that is a good thing!) He had me when he expressed how lovely we are as a country having let the "retarded cowboy" run it for 8 years. I wouldn't want to bang him but get loaded with him?? Yeah, I'm in.

Gizmo Goes To Utah!

And did I mention I had to go also??

Because Cross Country Dog Deliverer is in my job description!

That's right... 5PM flight out of JFK, arrive SLC 10:30PM (EST), gain 2 hours, Key Exchange the dog, order room service, sleep, up at 6AM (Utah time), 8AM flight to JFK, see that SLC's Airport still has a smoking room, lose the 2 hours I gained the night before

and arrive in Nannyland to chaos and anger!

Good times, people. At least the photos are cute*!

*my apologies, Facebookers... I couldn't resist putting his cute little face everywhere possible!

In Defense of Palin....

"For too many times, we've brought knives to gun fights,"

said Chuck Gast, a delegate from Maryland,
When asked if Palin brought a gun to the fight, Gast said:

"Yes, I think she brings a big gun, like a moose gun."

(Dick Cheney brought a gun, too. Shot his buddy.)

(Republicans are Dumb.)

(I Heart Obama.)

My Current Travel Reservations....

Extra SEAT W.
Jennifer W.

That is how Amex listed travel details...

Me and Extra Seat

because there is nothing more I like better these days than sitting next to Empty Seat!

So, Me & Extra Seat are off! Jealous?

You should be! Extra Seat is adorable, loving, worships me, and

only needs to be walked a few times a day!

That's right, my travelling partner is...

GIZMO!

Cuz we are off to Utah tomorrow, people.

Don't worry, I will only be there for 8 hours and then I come back.

All by myself. Probably with Seat Full of Stranger.

Males are so fickle.

Extra Seat W. If it wasn't so funny it would be tragic....

While This Cat Was Away....

...the Mice did play!

Or being the BFG- I am inclined to think that the Bugs went nuts! First, they left me a "shoe"-in of a welcome! They put their best "foot" forward on this one.... the little "sneakers"!

Clearly the Rhinos and Golum took advantage of the lack of lighting and "horn"-ed in on their own needs! The quest for the "ring" clearly left Golum on fire... two times!

Something "fishy" was going on!

And as if that wasn't enough "monkey" business, there was a Turkey in the fridge

and Andy didn't need to get out of his chair for some "horny" fun but weirdest of all....

Mike Fox went "bananas"! He clearly needed to "clean up" his act

but wanted to continue feeling like the princess he is!

However, it was the painting the roses red trick played on my peppers that left me the most shocked this morning! I almost picked them before I left, but clearly the message is that no matter how done you think something is... there is always growing to do and beauty to come!

Which doesn't explain the giant red paperclip on my closet door or Bella's Coffee hat on my bed but, I am telling you... here in the BFG's Insect Wild Kingdom, anything is possible!
(Or maybe, Kerry and Chris shouldn't have my keys!)
(Course... what fun would that be for me?)