Oh Snap

My new favorite commercial!

A Little Grown Up Humor to Kick Off Your Monday!

Here! Here!

Asuko Doi had a subscription to Time magazine and because she (or he?) didn't cancel it before they moved... Now I do!! I look at the pictures. I read an article or two. But there is no horoscope and thus, it is not a real magazine! But every once in awhile, something in the publication makes me say hmmmm.... And this week's essay is a perfect and fantastic example. The essay is called The Gospel of Glee by the delightful, Nancy Gibbs. The link to the article is at the bottom and I say READ IT!! It is all about the moral aspects to today's TV obsessions. And you know what they... and despite the fact that one of the main Christian points is "judge not",

it does seem to be a huge part of their lives- judging, I mean.

(Scratch the Nots!)

It was this quote that made me need to share the essay just as Asuko shares the Time with me...

"The point is not whether there is a moral message to be found beneath all the

snark and snideness in this show or any other. The point lies in the surprises that jostle us out of our smug little certainties and invite us to weigh what we value,

whatever our faith tradition!"

Thanks, Nancy. And thanks, Asuko.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1942957,00.html

Thanksgiving Goodness!

From my new gravy boat to Hershey... such fantastic stuff!

From Our Table To Yours...

Hershey in Da Hizz-ouse!

The Muppets Bohemian Rhapsody

OMFG!!!! This is AMAZING!! Love! LOvE! LoVE!!

Ahhh, Traditionally Turkey......

A Strawbery Shortcake Travesty!

Strawberry Shortcake and her pals were thought up by American Greetings in 1977. By the early 80s they were EVERYWHERE! TV, dolls, books, clothes- everywhere! They smelled delicious and they were cute as buttons plus they each had a pet!! And I loved them. My favorite doll, hands down, was Raspberry Tart! She had a monkey called Rhubarb and she smelled of raspberries which I also LOVED! I still love raspberries and I can sometimes be a bit of a tart

so it all makes perfect sense!!

I even thought bringing the gang back was a great idea. Sure, the gals are thinner and dress more like whores but kids today would be weirded out if they didn't. But I just saw something that made me change my mind.... Sure, being at a Target on a Sunday already makes me wanna kill myself but seeing this travesty was like salt in the wound... Raspberry Tart has been renamed!!!

WTF?!?!?! I am not pleased with this. She looks 100 times more Tart-like but apparently Raspberry TORTE is much more PC!! Such horse shit.

I bet she can't even have a monkey anymore.

Congrats to The Happy Parents!

The calf's birth isn't just a big deal to the park and its visitors, but to the rhino population at large. Busch Gardens is a participant in the American Zoological and Aquarium Association Species Survival Plan to ensure genetic diversification among threatened and endangered animals in zoological facilities. The International Rhino Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to the protection of rhinos, estimates that there are just over 14,530 white rhinos in the wild, and fewer than 170 live in zoological facilities across North America.

In fact, just last year, the SeaWorld & Busch Gardens Conservation Fund, which is a registered non-profit organization, donated $5,000 to Friends of Conservation, $15,000 to International Rhino Foundation, $10,000 to Rhino Fund Uganda and $10,000 to Tusk Trust to support rhino conservation efforts in the wild. Since it began in 2003, the Fund has granted five million dollars to more than 350 projects in the U.S. and around the world.

Don't you love it when something this precious also brings a bit more hope to the world?

MORE Scannin' & Picnikin'!

Me, Me, Me and also, Me with my Nona...

Been Scannin' & Picnikin'!

That's my beautiful Grandma posing for her fella (my Grandpa) at Niagara Falls in 1942...

They weren't married yet but clearly having a delightful date!

The most impressive thing is how very close they are to the Falls themselves!!

Nuts!

Clearly, I got my ladylike posing from my Gram as is evidenced in this

pic of me at the Falls 66 years later!

For Douglas!

THIS is Jason Statham.....

Born in 1972, Jason Statham has done quite a lot in a short time. He has been an Olympic Diver on the British National Diving Team and finished 12th in the World Championships in 1992. He has also been a fashion model, black market salesman and finally of course, actor. He got the audition for his debut role as Bacon in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) through French Connection, for whom he was modeling. They became a major investor in the film and introduced Jason to Guy Ritchie, who invited him to audition for a part in the film by challenging him to impersonate an illegal street vendor and convince him to purchase fake jewelery. Jason must have been doing something right because after the success of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) he teamed up again with Guy Ritchie for Snatch. (2000), with co-stars including Brad Pitt, Dennis Farina and Benicio Del Toro. After Snatch. (2000) came Turn It Up (2000) with US music star Ja Rule, followed by a supporting actor role in the Sci-Fi film Ghosts of Mars (2001), Jet Li's The One (2001) and another screen partnership with Vinnie Jones in Mean Machine (2001) under Guy Ritchie's and Matthew Vaughn's SKA Films. Finally in 2002 he was cast as the lead role of Frank Martin in The Transporter (2002). Jason is also in the summer 2003 blockbuster remake of The Italian Job (1969), The Italian Job (2003), playing Handsome Rob.

Everything a girl could ask for in a second husband....

Cupping & Poking!

So, in the continuing saga of the ridiculous Hip Kerfuffle.... Thursday I went to get poked. (Yeah, I said poked.) By my favorite poker in all the universe, Douglas. Now Douglas may prefer to call himself an Acupuncturist but it's my blog!!

Let's get this on the table- I HATE NEEDLES! Part of the reason I never go to the doctor, is that so often the diagnosis requires a needle of some kind. I fear that we have only put off the needle in my current Kerfuffle but putting off= not now so I am pretty please with that! So, physical therapy? Fine. Drugs? Yes, please. Ice Packs and Anti-inflammatory patches... well, that sounds like a hoot! But when I broke my arm, I did all the same shit (after the plates and pins and casts to the shoulder, of course) and still had this crazy swelling. At the time, they thought "one of the plates had shifted" causing the swelling and requiring more surgery! Holy Tectonic Plates, Batman. And that is what drove me straight to the arms of Douglas. I don't understand the theories behind the acupuncture. My chai teas was stuck and the needles were going to blast open the pathways. Great.

Here is what I know for sure:

1) The next day, after one session- the swelling went down by 70%!!! Insane.

2) I hate, hate, HATE the teeny, tiny needles anywhere near my ankles. Weird?

3) After continued sessions and for other new and exciting reasons- I went in with a lot of sinus issues. At the time I was readying for my one woman show. Douglas put a needle in the top of my head for the congestion and at rehearsal that day, I was supposed to belt an G and overshot it. NUTS!

4) That Douglas is the best no nonsense, "stop being such a baby", caring, loving, "bend over an take it" poker anywhere! I also learned of my father's heart attack by the elevator leaving his office and I ran back to his office to look up flights and lose my mind and he held my hand and my heart until I knew I had a way to get to my Daddy and for that, I owe him the world. And because I love him and his Eastern witchcraft, I tolerate the needles.

So, why wouldn't I go for my current Hip Kerfuffle. He had seen the show the night before and he has met me- so he is aware at how good a faker I can be and how much I will tolerate so the show can go on. (He also knows my love of the Vicodin so...). And of course, I burst into tears seconds after entering his office and we got down to business. There was some prodding to find the epicenter of the pain (pretty much my entire left hip/ass region) so that didn't take long. Some needles in the low back and hip/ass region with a little electric stimulation to boot! Some chant-y crap music to "calm me" (he is funny, My Poker) and some Cupping!!!

Cupping to me either involves balls or celebrities. (Or both if Jason Statham would just drop by!!) I had seen the pics of Gwenyth and Madonna being cupped but never did I think I would be a party to this nonsense. But Douglas being Douglas didn't actually make it optional and thus out came the cups! They look like this....

Aren't they pretty?? I thought they would make lovely terrariums or fish bowls....

But then you have to add these things....

And now they just look like space age pasties! Or devices for smoking some kinda herb??

According to cuppingtherapy.net

Cupping therapy is the method of using glass or plastic cups to create localized pressure by a vacuum. The Chinese have been doing this since ancient times by using heat inside glass or bamboo cups. Nowadays, cupping sets use suction to create the vacuum. The vacuum inside the cups causes the blood to form in the area and help the healing in that area.

According to me- it hurt. Not a lot a lot (ie: not enough to make me knock off the pretty little glass orbs and run screaming out the room) but enough that I didn't like it. And maybe they released some toxins and stuff- they definitely made Douglas happy with the amount of work they were doing) and I am unsure how much they helped as I left his office and drove to the Hamptons where I got stuck in traffic for hours and had to all but crawl into the house!

But they did make my skin look like this...

Cute, right?! Almost sexy if you are into that kind of thing... There are 5 of these marks altogether- these are the two worst and easiest to photograph (hee hee) but apparently my hip gots some toxins to kick out!! They look even worse today, FYI. I won't tell Douglas any of this because he will just remind me of what a baby I am and then he'll say more mystical, ancient Chinese secrets about how long cupping has worked and he will threaten leeches next time

and I will cry.

'course then we will make some cocktails and laugh it up because that's how we roll...

Yeah. So- Cupping.

I am not so sold yet but it was only the first time... and it is the rare first time that had me convinced doing it again would be a good idea.

Though I imagine the whole Cupping + Jason Statham would work! :)

A Little Slice of Heaven...

On Lexington and 87th... The Cupcake Man outside of a Wine store?

Do you take reservations???

Laters, Dick!

The Buffalo Bills have decided to part ways with head coach Dick Jauron with the Bills stumbling to a 3-6 start despite making significant personnel upgrades in the off-season. Jauron will be replaced by defensive coordinator Perry Fewell who has never been an NFL head coach. Jauron compiled a 24-33 record and never led the Bills to the postseason.

I'm Not Sayin' It's Not Delish...

I just got this new menu (we get a ton of menus... empty promises of dinners unfulfilled... I'm starving!)

Anyway- Never ordered from 'em but I sure appreciate them putting the Complaints Division Number smack on the front!!

It doesn't bode well, El Rey. No bueno.

The Final BBQ of The Year!

With all this OWWW nonsense, I forgot to discuss the final surprise BBQ of the year! Hanna, Mark and the kiddos were coming by to play with their injured friend! (Well, Mark likes the football on my big, fat TV, too!) I showed Hanna how genius her idea to plant

some hens&chicks around one of the stumps turned out...

The kids did some fine, fine hop scotchin' while I cheered!

(Hop scotch not so good an idea for me at the mo'!)

Abby & William spent some time filling my beloved childhood gorilla bank,

Mike Fox, with coins!

And though Jenn Ritchie missed the hot dogs we decided to grill given how glorious a day it was and how awesome a Grill Master Mark is...

she did get there in plenty of time to celebrate the power of the fire!

It was time. And how blessed was I to have not just my gorgeous girls with me but Abby, too who announced it was "time to pick up the chalk" before any of us could do anything silly

(like get all weepy and woe is me and OWWW)

but watch the past go up in smoke!?

Backyard Of Many Lands!!!

In addition to the ultimate cuteness that is my nephew.... This is the first iMovie I made ALL BY MYSELF!!! And doped out of my mind to boot so GOOO ME!

Have An Extra Platform Stiletto Kickin' Around?

www.giddyspinster.etsy.com

Sometimes....

...all you need is your sis...

(I mean, on the phone is fantastic but in person with a stuffed a rhino?? Genius!)

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th!!

In 2007, Bella DaBalls did a Friday the 13th Halloween number... these were the pasties!!

Sexiest Vorhees EVER!

Look What I Did!

Cute, right?!*

Come See the Show!!

November 18th @ 9PM

Ochi's Lounge at Comix

The Variety show with a capital V! And a whole lotta 1981 themed goodness!

Did you know that Paris Hilton was born in '81 AND Sweden was introduced to color TV?!

Coincidence?? (OK, probably but whatevs...)

There will be funny people there and great sing-a-long songs and celebrity interviews and it's FREE!!!

(*I Heart www.picnik.com for it's easy peasy photo fun!)

Bulbs Are Cool!

So, whilst moving things around on the patio pre-hip/back break down, I found a rooted bulb! Now, it could be for a tulip or a narcissus or even a hyacinth- I am not so sure. The cool thing though is that I had just been wondering about forcing a bulb indoors! And after googling decided it sounded like a giant pain in my ass. You got refrigerate it in the dark in dirt for like 12 weeks and then acclimate it to normal temps and sometime in the next century, you get a flower! BOOORRING! Sadly, there is no speed forcing! Forcing IS the speedier way. But then, there was this one random bulb that I had moved in the spring so I brought it in and planted it and it is GROWING!!

So excited! It is like the slowest moving surprise ever!

A Few Of My Favorite Things (that aren't my second MRI today)

My new birthday bag from Heather! It lets the people KNOW!

De La Vega messages of greatness on garbage...

Bread shaped like turkeys!

(get yours this Thanksgiving from Rosa&Joe's in Astoria!)

Pics of William & Abby in all their glory!

That someone took the time to write me this secret message on the N train!

(and if it meant "pray- for this pain to go away" it isn't working... yet!)

How I felt at my MRI...

If you have never seen this flick and you enjoy a scary flick- this one is the BOMB! Thus, feel free to watch the whole trailer. If you don't like a scary flick... feel free to stop at second 51.

I post for the claustrophobia section as illustration to how I felt during the first 10 seconds of my FIRST attempt at the MRI yesterday. It wasn't pretty- my "OUT OUT OUT" was loud but not pretty!

BTW- blood, gore, whatevs.... that bit of the trailer is just a taste of the scariest portion of the flick for me!

Me, too!

Just waiting for it to kick in! In the meantime, I love this song...

Labrum NOT Labia!

This is your hip joint.

A hip labral tear is an injury to the cartilage inside the hip joint. The hip joint is made of a ball and socket. The ball is the end of the thigh bone (femur). This ball fits into the bowl-shaped socket in the pelvic bone (acetabulum). Cartilage lines the socket to keep movement smooth and the joint cushioned. When the cartilage tears it is called a hip labral tear.

Turns out... that's what I got! Getting the MRI tomorrow to prove it but the orthopedic is pretty darn sure. I got a bag of drugs (including Valium so I don't freak during the MRI tomorrow) and most definitely physical therapy and maybe even surgery to look forward to!

YAHOOOO!

Good news? It ain't a LABIAL tear which is what I said it was whilst updating my Mom after my appointment. She was obviously shocked so I promptly shouted "not my Vagina labia, a word that sounds like that but is in my hip!"... Boy, did the passing UPS man think that was a hoot!

Things I Knew I Never Wanted

Ahhh, catalogs. I get a lot- we have covered this, yes? Well, my newest catalog/treasure trove comes from Things You Never Knew You Wanted. Yep, that's the name of the company. Though they changed "Things" to "Gifts" on this issue mayhap due to our proximity to the holidays??

In light of that- here are some things, perhaps, you never knew You Wanted!!

This Flushing Toilet Clock is only $23.95 and is described by the catalog as...

"Fun bathroom decor-- it might even startle the crap out of an unsuspecting guest!"

Get it? And also, get it cuz you never knew you wanted it!

What? Who pays $1000s at the dentist anymore? Invisalign my ass!! These cosmetic teeth are only $39.98!! The ad promises that, with these, you can "smile at pretty girls again!"

Awww, yeah!

And as long as you are ready to smile again... it may be time to get this DVD for only $17.98

It was on the same page as Crap Jokes Toilet Paper, Portable Hangman and a NASCAR T-shirt... ordering all 4 would be a great way to NOT need the DVD!

And a gnome? That is generally A Thing I KNEW I Wanted... this one is not just any old gnome... It is a Motion-Sensitive Gassy Gnome! For only $15.98- this guy farts at passer-bys and says things like this...

"Was that me?"

"POOT"

and my personal favorite

"Did somebody step on a duck?"

This is a Gift I Know I Want!

Come And Get Your Popcorn!!!

I could say it everyday.... Popcorn or no popcorn! Try it! It's fun!

As is "chicken tetrazzini"!

BTW...

....this may have happened whilst I was asleep because this is what my hip feels like!

What? More Love for Marc Singer?

As long as we are tripping down Marc Singer Lane.... I also LOVED the Beastmaster!! I had two very favorite characters. They were loyal, adorable, brave and definitely inspired the first BegFest I can recall my brother and I uniting in.... Kodo & Podo!! Man, I wanted a ferret after that movie. I wanted one BAD! Jeff did, too and I remember plaguing my Mother with the reasons we needed one, NEEDED two!! They would live in a pouch we would wear. They would bite the Evil Priest and send him to hell. They would steal keys to get us out of lock up!! NEEDED!

(I also kinda wanted one of those big critters that embraced people and liquified them! They liquified the crap out of me but how cool would it be if you had one of those as your BFF?)

(OOOHHH- and one of those eyeball rings! The ultimate spy tool!)

Anyway... I never got a ferret. I always stop the channel surfing at Beastmaster when it's on (and, apparently, all things Marc Singer). And I took this pic at IKEA. Some crazy Swede also loved Kodo & Podo and added ferrets to IKEA's oddly charming rodent line of stuffed animals! (Athea got a rat. Alt got a guinea pig. Jeff may get two ferrets for Christmas.)

(The pain is making me wanna share the oddest things....)