Is there a Sweeter Bouquet?

I have THREE of these in my kitchen!

It is what I imagine heaven smells like....

Rumor Has It...

...the Magic 8 Ball is getting it's own movie! Color me excited as I have depended on the Magic 8 Ball to make many important decisions for me! Will I keep you posted?

Yes, Definitely!

It's Official.

I got a call this morning from my fine, upstanding, stiff upper lip Cornish solicitor.

My Mirage is officially over. Finito. The End.

There's nothing like a judge in a wig getting the final word!

6AM is NOT my Time Du Jour....

So, a week ago, I saw Sondheim on Sondheim with my girls- we sang, we laughed, we shed a tear or two when the Clowns were sent in. It was a very interesting show- Sondheim had a quite a life. Needless to say, I got home around 11:30 and my sweet puppy greeted me with a lukewarm, "You're home." Not that she wasn't excited but normally I get greeted with loving "WHERE THE %$#@$^ HAVE YOU BEEN!". I figured that it was late, she was tired, I sang Being Alive while we walked and we went to bed. In the morning, I woke up of my own accord at 7:30. This is unheard of in life After Puppy. Ripley wouldn't come out of her crate. Then she wouldn't drink. Or move. Her eyes became cloudy, her gait stiff, her appetite non-existent. I carried her out to do her business and she needed to be carried back in. Oh, and steadied while she did it. I took her to the vet. We started antibiotics. I set the alarm every hour through the night to look at her. I carried her ice cubes to lick. By Thursday, it was a bit better and then much worse. By the time we got to our favorite Vet Hospital- Ripley had a fever of 105.8 (102 is HIGH in puppies), mucous coming out of her eyes, and was most definitely not herself.

They did blood tests, tick panels, ultrasounds, x-rays. They put her on IV fluids, uber-strong antibiotics, pain killers. By Saturday, she hadn't walked in days and the blood cultures take time to reveal anything so they needed to tap her joints to know if they could start her on steroids for her extreme swelling in the joints and the pain. On Saturday, when I went to visit- I climbed into her crate and did not wanna leave. Her little shave-n, swollen joints broke my heart. It was awful.

However, the steroids worked wonders. Plus it was Day 4 of uber-steroids and she ate a little breakfast in Sunday. She got to come home last night with a shit load of meds, a crazy look, and no college fund left. (Vet Hospitals are helpful but not cheap). She is still not herself but she is closer. Much, much closer. We are still waiting for the blood/tick results to tell us why this all happened. Apparently, odds are its either a tick borne illness or an auto-immune blood deficiency. Either way... my poor, poor pup.

Whilst she was in the hospital- I got some advice, did some research, had a fever myself (I am going to snitch some of Ripley's antibiotics soon) and decided you are indeed what you eat. I have eaten a box of Oreo's new Fudge Creams today and I fed my mother oyster crackers during her recent visits. So when I say you are indeed what you eat, I am talking about Ripley. (That being said, based on my diet since her return- I am delicious!)

Do you know what is in pet food? Yeah, me neither. So, while we are waiting for the bubble I have ordered for Ripley to live in- I am going to make her food. Yesterday, I boiled my first chicken. I shredded it, I measured it and put some in the freezer, some in the fridge. I made brown rice. I made carrots & peas. I bought the best food avails on the market which is delightfully called Hund-N-Flocken. I saved the broth from the boiling of the chicken. And this morning, I was excited to be feeding my dog the best possible thing. (I had two more Oreos and some Thera Flu).

While getting the broth out of the fridge, I dropped it. Broth (mostly coagulated as I forgot to strain it) EVERYWHERE! While grabbing for paper towels, I knocked the rice down, too. At which point, I should have just thrown down some chicken and let Ripley have at it!

I mean, really. The best, laid intentions...

6AM is NOT my time du jour.....

OMG! (from today's NY Times...)

In a case that could spur the kingdom of Saudi Arabia to set minimum age limits for marriage, a girl who was wed at age 11 to an 80-year-old man has been granted a divorce.

In exchange for a dowry of about $22,000, the girl, now 12, was forced to marry her father's cousin last year.

Part of the difficulty in imposing marriage age restrictions in this strictly religious society is attributable to the fact that Islam's most revered figure, the Prophet Muhammad, himself wed a 9-year-old girl.

In January, however, Sheikh Abdullah al-Manie, a senior Saudi cleric, said Muhammad's 7th-century marriage could not be used as justification for today's child marriages, the Indian Express reported.

Spring Has Sprung!

And my favorite flower is bloomin'! YAHOOO!

RIpley Also Has A New Friend...

...her name is Holly. She is a 10 month old dachsund puppy who belongs to the Jamaican groundskeeper at the mansion next door here in ye olde Hamptons. They are really cute together. They touch noses and run in circles and then Ripley lays down and Holly comes and strokes Ripley's face with her tiny paw. ADORBS! The only drawback? Ripley doesn't always come when she is called (yet) so, I have to crawl through the hedges ('cause Lord knows, I ain't walking the length of the drive to retrieve my dog) to get her. Annoying.

I Have Been Busy...

...keeping my escape artist of a pup contained! After getting out of the kitchen Day 1 in the Hamptons, I locked her down for day two! Gates, chairs, locks... and she STILL GOT OUT!

She got the tiny door off its hinges... I should have named her Houdini!

A Very SNAIL-icious Morning on The Patio!

So, you know how I love Peeps?

I got these delights in the mail awhile back and was waiting 'til Easter to show them off!

Peep salt & pepper shakers- beautifully made by Lenox! They even came with this sweet, gold plated tray! I just love them and brought them to the 'rents to have on our Easter table!

(My Mom loved 'em and apparently had almost bought them for me herself!)

They will be on display all year round here at the BFG Apartment

as they are just as delicious as the real things!

(but I can't eat 'em!)

Auntie Jenn Meets Baby John!

I mean, really?! How cute is this angel? AND he was wearing the "blueberry" bib I made him!

I was so honored! In fact, I need another John fix STAT!

I loves me some Blueberry!

So, anyway Hershey...

...and then she said...

...which was the funniest thing...

...what are you looking at? Are you listening to me?...

And to all... a Happy Easter!

love, hershey & ripley

We Need A Bigger Boat!

Empire State of Mind!

Ripley in LIC checking out the Chrysler Building!

Things You Never Knew You Wanted!

Never be embarrassed by "escaped" gas again!

Sometimes you just can't control a gassy stomach... and what may happen as a result. But relax- the pressure's off when you are protected by these antimicrobial pads. Just stick to your underwear (even thongs) and go about your day. If you make a slip, don't worry- the odor is neutralized by the activated carbon layer and you're spared the embarrassment. Great for travel, office or anywhere you're in close quarters!

(package of 5) $9.95

www.solutions.com

(From my daily dose of catalogs to you! You are welcome!)

JUMBO, no less!

I think each of Paula's recipes require that much!

the weekend plum wore us out....

7:15AM

What filled your Saturday morning?

Look At Who Likes Lookin' at Herself!!

May The Luck O' The Irish...

...Be With You!

(like The Force but greener!)

me & ripley... St. Patrick's Day '10

6:45AM

Since Returning From Surgery...

Ripley prefers to be continually surrounded by as many toys as possible!

Remarkably Clean Considering...

This man was on the M60 bus with me this morning...

Got off at 125th St and got on the subway-

ALL BAREFOOT!

Things That Make Me Go Hmmmm...

So, one day, about a month or so ago- I came home to see this tree sitting at the end of the entrance to my building. I wondered about it. It made me go hmmmm. When I saw my upstairs neighbor, he explained (on the run as he was late for work) that they got it from somewhere cause somebody was going to throw it away and he thought they (he & his GF) could save it.

It has been sitting there ever since. At some point there was talk of putting it on the patio, only the openings on the patio for plants to go in are 12in circles- not even close to big enough to put a tree of this size. And so it sits. And when it rains for several days as it has been... it makes a big, muddy mess. And it makes me go hmmmm.

Party On!

I just read this article on AOL that says these are the

Top 10 Songs to Play at a Party!

(or at a puppy homecoming, at the birth of a blueberry, to help the daffodils grow)

(those are my suggestions, btw- not AOL Radio Blogger, Lindsey Weber!)

10) Just Dance Lady Gaga

9) SexyBack Justin Timberlake

8) The Way I Are Timbaland

7) Baby Got Back Sir Mix A Lot

6) Stayin' Alive Bee Gees

5) Don't Stop Believing Journey

4) Pour Some Sugar On Me Def Leppard

3) Livin' On A Prayer Bon Jovi

2) Thriller Michael Jackson

1) We Will Rock You Queen

This would not be my list. I would keep several but definitely not all!

What is YOUR Top 10 Party Playlist??

It's Been So Long...

...but I have had a sweet, 13lb furball to focus on! And she is just home from the hospital after a successful surgery for her "plumbing". She is a bit weirded out- it probably all feels really kooky down there- and is also not supposed to get her stitches wet. This wouldn't be as big a deal if the rain wasn't heavy and continuous (and supposed to be until Tuesday, I think)! She doesn't do her business in the house usually so this is really odd for her to sort of be forced to! Hopefully, it won't undo all our training 'til now!

In the meantime... she sleeps.

A Fine, Fine Column...

...I read this in this week's New York Magazine and enjoyed A LOT! It's about the reality TV show crisis and the fact that we seemingly are running out of talent...

"That's because, as we run out of talent, we're forced to turn back to a more abundant resource: the jackass. Witness the popularity of Jersey Shore."

Wanna read the whole thing??

(I highly recommend it!)

Takin U Back: 1989

TOMORROW!!
Details on the right!

AWESOME!!

We Heart Sans!!

Watch out William Wallace- there is a NEW Braveheart in town!

Got Geiko?

There we were, taking a walk. I had just discouraged Ripley from eating a Dorito by telling her it was "nacho chip" and oh, how we were laughing! Course before 6, not a lot makes me laugh, so it was nice.

Also funny? Part of the reason I think we were up before 5, is that a) Ripley is a sadist and b) there was a fender bender on the corner and the police lights were flashing away, intriguing Ripley and tricking her into thinking it was a GET UP light show! No body seemed injured, several people, one cop car, two cars involved- one red, one black (the cars, not the people- this is Astoria, they were both Greek). And there was me & Rip- laughing away at our Nacho chip joke, when the police car went to move and hit another car!!! Hard. Nacho Dent!

Mornings are funny. Now, let's get back to bed!

Takin U Back '89

Robb and I made some promos! This is #1! More to come...

She started it!

So, the past day or two, Ripley has clearly been feeling better about her leg. Whereas I, have gotten more frustrated. Imagine if you will- it's 5:45AM, your dog needs to pee, she can't go out without a bag over her cast, this takes some time on a squirming puppy. Now picture yourself at 5:47AM covered in pee. Welcome to my week. Yesterday, Ripley began to take it upon herself to pull and chew on the ye olde cast! And this morning, I decided the time had come for me to help chew on it, too. And thus, off with her cast!!! (I did call the vet and she said it was fine so...)

And Ripley is SOOO much happier! As am I.

Walking is a little weird- she is stiff and so a little off kilter but I am sure that will

only take a day or two to shake!

A Little Update!

Courtesy of RLD & the NY Times!

And so last September, Mr. Chen did what any socially aware entrepreneur might do: He opened a theme park of dwarfs, charging tourists about $9 a head to watch dozens of dwarfs in pink tutus perform a slapstick version of “Swan Lake” along with other skits.

“I think it is horrible,” said Gary Arnold, the spokesman for Little People of America Inc., a dwarfism support group based in California. “What is the difference between it and a zoo?” Even the term “dwarf” is offensive to some; his organization prefers “person of short stature.”

The park, 40 minutes by car from Kunming, is not yet profitable. One recent chilly afternoon, only a few dozen spectators showed up. Performers hope for bigger crowds.

Want to read the whole article, you know, if you aren't SHORT on time??

www.nytimes.com

Size 4!!!

Unstylish? Maybe.

Flattering? Not in my opinion.

FAT? NO!

At the end of the day, I am not Jessica's biggest fan. Musically or otherwise. But when people called her huge, porky, and fat in these jeans- I was outraged.

What we define as fat is this country is outlandish.

On today's Oprah, Jessica revealed to Oprah that she didn't care if people didn't like her "Mom jeans" and that btw- they are a SIZE 4!!!

size cluckin' four.

A Peep-tastic Tragedy...

Long ago, I took a writing class. Not 'cause I don't know how to write but because I thought, if I am in a class that I have to show up at with new material every week, I will write more. The Weight Watchers meeting theory of writing. And yeah, I wrote more. I also had an ill fated fling with the teacher that ended when he moved to Turkey. (yes, Turkey.)

I met some great folks though, including an older Polish woman who had a life story that was both amazing and tragic. Her grasp of written English, however, was just tragic. Taking to yours truly, she invited me to her home to go over her memoir with my trusty red pen. I was touched to be of assistance and almost too moved by her memoirs to correct them. (almost.) It was while sitting in her dining room, trying not to cry, I spied the most amazing thing. There, on her hutch, a chocolate covered Peep. And as she spoke of how her father was tortured, I jumped up and shouted "WHAT IS THAT?" (always respectful.) She explained that she makes them for her grandchildren. Why had I never thought of doing such a thing??? I love Peeps. I love chocolate. I love that little old woman. I have long forgotten her name but the chocolate covered Peeps-

I have thought of ever since.

I tried making them myself. It isn't easy. The Peeps have to be just a bit stale (or ripe, as I call it), the chocolate can't be too hot, you can't lay it on too thick. Not easy. A stall in a mall in Hicksville out on the isle of the Long, used to sell them at Easter time- made by a local candy shop. But with that tiny exception- it has been all me and my microwave and my fat ass.

So, you can imagine my excitement when I found these!

Yep, there I was, just poppin' into the grocery store- covered in glitter and bad burlesque make-up (got some stares.) And at the register... this brand new Easter-time delight!! I couldn't wait to get home and rip into these bitches!

Even Ripley could feel my excitement and thought for sure she should get in on this action!

Luckily, her cast slows her down.

And so... unable to contain myself for one more second- I ripped into it.

It looked like a chocolate covered Peep and it looked delicious and I bit into it

and

EWWWW! GROSS!

It is just some Peep shaped, dirty marshmallow creme filled YUCK!

No, real Peepness to it at all.

what a disappointing thing.

I thought the circle was complete, the dream fulfilled.

nope.

gross.

even my old Polish lady friend would have found this tragic.

and she knew from tragic.

oh, well.

Comment Come Back Needed!

So, I put this video on youtube in August of last year after a trip to Vegas with my peeps- including Jason who is featured in this video playing my new favorite slot- Lucky Penguins! It has an Ice Ice Baby Bonus! Helloooo! AWESOME!

Anyway, yesterday- this video got a comment! Whoo Hooo! A comment! How fun! yeah. no. this is the comment:

"f your mother. take the money back to the trailor park."

And so I ask, what should my come back comment be? These are my top three:

1) f YOUR mother.
2) YOU live in a trailor park- wish a dictionary lived with you!
3) tool.

I am still working on it and that's why I need YOUR help! What should I say to neworleans39??

Yeah. This about sums it up.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Metaphorically speaking, you have recently  begun crossing the water in a dream boat that has a small leak. If you  keep going, it's possible you will reach the far side before sinking. But  that's uncertain. And even if you were able to remain afloat the entire  way, the shakiness of the situation would probably fill you with anxiety.  My suggestion, then, is to head back to where you started and fix the  leak. 


horoscope by Rob Brezney