Colliding Scrotally

After my glowing tribute to Bill Bryson, and the giggles I got from his biography of Will Shakes... I have decided to reread several of his books. I do this a lot. Rereading, I mean. Sometimes, especially when I am overtired or stressed (so most times, actually), I find rereading to be a thing of beauty. You know where your journey is headed, you meet up with old friends and you don't need to invest anymore energy than necessary for max enjoyment. Much like scenes in Jaws STILL scare the pants off me and Boromir valiantly dying still makes me cry- a good reread makes me feel like all is right with the world. And in a way that TV does not- makes me feel creative and capable of spectacular feats of imagination. (In TVs defense, I do not have cable. I am sure there are some cable shows that can take ones breath away but...) And TV never makes me stay in a fully drained bathtub, shivering and not terribly comfortable, laughing my naked ass off at phrases like

"colliding scrotally". Good stuff!

Plus, I have slept the afternoon away. Battling hours of traffic, marveling at the city planners who decided repaving the first two lane segment of Rt. 27 on a holiday Monday was a good idea, and listening to the theme song from Full House enough times to make a girl weep sure does wear me out! (whatever happened to predictability? the milkman, the paperboy? evening TV?) I do love the Hamptons in Fall, however. Well, I love Fall. It makes me feel decidedly domestic. I wanna shuck corn and pick apples and roll crusts and carve pumpkins! I wanna feel the crispness in the air and the joy of a new sweater. (New sweater? check. J Crew Outlet sale. Crispness? negative. 80 and muggy, people. Stupid global warming.) And have I ever mentioned my love of the gourd? I brought 6 more home with me! That's right, I said MORE! I bought some last weekend, too. Now, Fall in The Hamptons is not like Fall anywhere else... it is much more expensive! (Said gourds ran me $36 of Nannyland money!) (Which of course means that Fall in the Hamptons is technically cheaper for me) So, go out and look! Pumpkintown on 27. Sip some free wine from the Duckwalk Vineyard across the street. Play Ansel Adams at the farm stands and bake a pie! And then go home and and lay in the tub reading things like this...

"You could go into some bakery and be greeted by some vast sluglike creature with a look that told you you would never be friends. In halting French you would ask for a small loaf of bread. The woman would give you a long, cold stare and then put a dead beaver on the counter."

-Bill Bryson on the French. (Neither Here Nor There)