The Trouping of the Colour'ds*

Buckingham Palace... 29 August '09

*a quote from Little Britain...

Making Friends...

Although the exhibit at the Natural History Museum was to do with butterflys- they had some other critters there, too! This guy was my new BFF!

London Town....

And so, I met my girls in London... I stayed in a "pod hotel" in Heathrow for 4 hours- showered, napped. Those Japanese- so clever! Made a little film of that which I will put up later! But in 48 hours in London, we saw a ton!!

I present- a capsule summary!

(there was a Butterfly Exhibit at the Natural History Museum!)

And so...

...off I go. London's calling and I have to answer. Well, I don't HAVE to but, off I go nonetheless. 

Here is what is exciting so far- I am at JFK by my gate and POSTING! God, I love Opal.  She really is a Sexy Bitch. Here is what has not been exciting so far- as I checked in, the man at the desk asked me if I was "traveling to see my husband" and I think was beginning to compliment me with a "lucky guy" but alas...  I am unsure as I burst into tears. Stupid mirage Visa in my passport. 

As Jason texted...  that gets the "awkward outta the way". Though I also second Jenn Ritchie's "oh, come the fuck on!" Sweet Mother of Pearl. Wonder if I can just rip that page out?? Is that illegal? I have no idea. 

Good thing I cancelled therapy today because I couldn't get my shit together.... 

Dear Hydrangea...

...you are still my favorite "Color me Georgia O'Keefe" flower. The fling with the Mallow didn't mean a thing. We are just friends! It is you, hydrangea. You complete me. You had me at hello. You are so beautiful, to me.

The Last of the Hamptons Pie!

...at least the Summertime Pie...

Thankfully, it is almost apple pickin' time!! MMM, apple pie...

The above flower is called a Mallow and apparently, the deer don't eat it. (Ummm, not sure if anyone told the deer.)

That being said, I think they look like Alien Pods before they open!

They also come in pink.... The deer don't see color.

These two actually came from Annalee's budding "I like to take pics of flowers, too" career!

That's my girl!
And she is generally frightened of bees but this Bummble was so focused on what he was doing that she just snapped away! She's so cool!

and then there's my Jayman... he is also cool.

Is There Anything Sadder....

Look at this face! PuppyDoodles! He hurt his tail. 

It hurts my heart.

A Bug's Life: At the BFG, anyway

When I first moved to NYC in 1996, I lived on 64th and West End in a teeny tiny apartment with two friends I loved a lot (still do as it turns out!)! That apartment had a bit of a revolving door... and at one point- a mouse issue. The building next door was undergoing serious renovations (it is now a grocery store) and the mice decided to relocate. They were tiny, cute and very comfortable at our house. Little bastards. I will share more mice stories later as this post is about bugs! I only bring up the mice because I was slightly smug about my lack of fear of them and used to think, "at least it isn't cock roaches"....

Here's the thing- I was (and still am as it turns out) much less afraid of mice than I am of roaches. I HATE roaches. They are horrible, disgusting, ballsy little fuckers. I am not afraid of other bugs. "Country" bugs, as I like to call them. My Preying Mantis, the spider beatles, lady bugs, even spiders don't bother me. I don't want one on my person, per se but I don't HATE them. Last week, I all but tripped over a GIANT bug that may or may not have been a roach making his way from the patio door to the front door in the BFG Apartment. I dropped a book on it's ass and did a little dance on the book. Hence, my not being entirely sure what it was as it was mush the next morning when I lifted the book. Dirty City bug. Don't get me wrong- I don't want mice now and I didn't want them then but I still remember the day I rolled over in my tiny teeny bedroom and a small roach was crawling up my wall. I smacked it with a shoe and fell back to sleep. And though booze may have helped, I left that shoe print on my wall for some time because it made me feel like a real New Yorker. Real New Yorkers didn't have trouble falling asleep because of one cockroach. 

Jay and I once coated a huge, huge roach (or water bug as people like to call them to make themselves feel better) in spray starch. It was the first thing I grabbed as the roach came out from under the fancy pants, envy inducing, 6 burner oven. The Housekeeper was ironing, you see. Anyway- we piled it on to the the bastard. Easily half a can. And it foamed up and completely hid the roach. Jay and I ran to get a shoe (or a staff member) to come deal with it and as we returned to the kitchen...  the foam was dying down and the roach was rising out of it, Terminator like and returning back from whence it came. A little stiff, perhaps but very much NOT dead! At least I didn't have to touch it, I guess.

Where is this story going? Well, it is circling around and around to this...  I just returned from Nannyland today and napped it up on the couch. When I woke up, I started doing the crossword puzzle from New York Magazine. (I LOVE the crossword in New York Magazine, btw) and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a house centipede running along the wall behind the couch. I smacked it with my magazine and without missing a beat- returned to the crossword. Awwww, yeah. A bug's life isn't an easy one. It is easier than most here at the BFG Apartment as I tolerate all manner of bugs here. But every once in awhile, I have to remind myself that I am still a real New Yorker. Tough enough to take care of things and keep moving forward unscathed.  

Maybe I am more anxious about my trip to England this week than I thought.... If only a hardcover book and a can of spray starch took care of other things...

Visa Required

Stolen Rachel Ray Magazine from an orthodontist office in the Hamptons: free

Delicious looking Monte Cristo style Croque Monsieur sandwiches: yummy

Ingredients* from Citerella, Bridgehampton: $68

Getting the sammies started and realizing there was exactly 4 slices of bread** in the whole house? PRICELESS

*ingredients were 1/2lb ham, 1/4 swiss, milk, eggs and a cup of coffee

**2 white (one of them an end slice), 2 wheat (again with the end slice) and a hamburger bun

OMG! I Forgot To Brag It Up!

So, last week, in Nannyland- the kids and I rented I Know What You Did Last Summer. The Rated R restriction was lifted quite some time ago by the parental units and now it is all at my discretion. Well, it was before, too but it's official now. And the kiddos have a bit of a yearning for the Scary Film. Not Saw, of course but the lesser Scary Films. Things that are as much funny as they are scary... I let them watch Deep Blue Sea forever ago (best. scene. ever.) and they have also indulged in many a "creature" Scary Film since (Lake Placid, Anaconda, The Faculty, etc... )

I have tried to avoid the scary people killing people ones but decided I Know What You Did barely counts as one of those and we chuckled our way thru it! Of course, the second it was over- they wanted to watch I Still Know What You Did Last Summer which we had not rented. The conversation went like this...

Me: "We didn't rent it."

Kids: "Duh, we can instant Netflix it and watch it on the computer."

Me: "We are not gathering round the computer to watch a movie children, that's stupid."

Kids: "No, it isn't. You're just old. Everyone is doing it."

And much like that theoretical bridge I should never have jumped off because everyone else was doing it... I instantly conceded. And there we were... gathered 'round Opal, watching the fist 30 minutes of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.

Fast forward to a few days ago... I finally decided to sit down and watch the Torchwood: Children of Earth miniseries event that I had DVR'd. First- I recommend it highly!! HIGHLY! I laughed, I sobbed, I long for Captain Jack Harkness to father my children... But at 3AM, I realized I had not taped Day 5!!! Not recorded the final day!! I was already in hysterics from Day 4. There was no way I was going to sleep without Day 5. And so, what did this old dog do?? Downloaded it on iTunes and watched it on Opal! I jumped!!! And it was well worth it!! I was so proud of myself. This wireless Opal thing is a real treat! Now I know what you kids have been bragging about all this time!

And so I would like to thank the BBC for creating a miniseries that I wanted to watch the conclusion of so very badly that I went for it. Opal for being the best computer a girl could ask for and Annalee & Jay for being such taunters. I believe the children are the future. Teach them well and let them lead the way....

Well, Look What We Saw...

...just strutting through the fields like he owned them!

(Then again, as it was in the Hamptons- he might have. The people are odd there.)

Full Service Establishment!

Is it a bunion or a bun in the oven? Or both?! This is the place to find out!

West 14th Street, NYC

Change is Good

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I am sick of typing jennsinengland into the computer whenever I want to get to my blog. Among my reasons....

-I am not in England

-I am sick of being reminded why and when I began this blogging journey

-I am still hurting and typing that in continues to add a little salt to my healing wounds

-I am ready to stake a claim on this blog and why I write it now as opposed to when I began it

-I am thinking it's time

-I am in love with my patio and though I will be in England in just a few weeks (for example) I am not IN England anymore in the way I was when this ride began

So, after much thought I have settled on a new address!

Notes From A Broad will remain the same, so you can always seek me out that way

but as of NOW (Patio Time), you can find me and this blog, MY blog, at

www.jennybenders.blogspot.com

For those of you in the know, I have been Jennybenders for far longer than

I have been a Woman Reporting on Her Mirage.

Thank you for coming along for this ride with me and I hope for more and more and more

twists, turns, dips and climbs!

We Reap What We Sow....

Robb&Jenn Take U Back: 1984

Today is today. Tomorrow is up in the air...

But yester-year? Well, that is any which way we want it!

Robb&Jenn Take U Back

1984

From Thriller to the Crane Technique. We flipped for Mary Lou and said no to these new fangled Compact Discs. We counted our 16 candles and put on our Cosby sweaters and we wanna do it again!

Ochi's Lounge @ Comix

This Tuesday

7:30 FREE!!

(ok, you gotta get a drink but who doesn't want a drink?)

Come! Laugh! Remember!

with Robb&Jenn

Anne Altman, Jenn Hyjack, Honi Harlow, Matthew Kelty and MORE*!

*among the more... Jasmine! My very own Cabbage Patch Doll! 

(Who is still trying to forget 1984)

The G Files

Sure, I shot the first half of this but everything else is compliments of the Jayman! He works my Mac WAY better than I do!

National Geographic's Pic of the Day

I am choosing to believe everything about this pic is 100% real! I love it! 

"My husband and I were exploring Lake Minnewanka in Banff National Park-Canada when we stopped for a timed picture of the two of us. We had our camera set up on some rocks and were getting ready to take the picture when this curious little ground squirrel appeared, became intriqued with the sound of the focusing camera and popped right into our shot! A once in a lifetime moment! We were laughing about this little guy for days!!"

They No Longer Be Illin'!

They be chillin'! In their NEW shadow box!!

A Rose By Any Other Name...

...is still the same blog!! At least, I hope so...

As most of you know, or have guessed, I started this blog whilst in England. Hence the blogspot address "jennsinengland". Clever, huh? And though I am still a Broad, things have changed since I started this blogging adventure Abroad. 

And I am sick of typing jennsinengland from my living room in Astoria! 

So, it is time for an address change!!  Has anyone done this??  It seems straight forward and easy enough (thanks, Alt!) Do I need to send a change of blog address card?? I don't want to lose everything just keep it real! 

It will still smell as sweet! Promise! 

Playlist: Hamptons.

So, I do a lot of driving here in ye olde Hamptons. This week- it included a trip into the city for a doctor's appt. that was cancelled at the eleventh hour! (I was, how shall I say? Displeased.)

In honor of that- I thought I would share my Car Tunes Du Jour with you! Mayhap you will like them, too!

1) Get Sexy - Sugababes

"just shut up and watch me walk"

2) Bang Bang (feat. Adam Levine) - K'naan

"and this song is for the weak and for the strong

cause I was strong and still..."

3)The Vicodin Song - Terra Naomi

"I've got vicodin, do you wanna come over?"

4) Bring Me To Life - Evanesence

"save me from the nothing I've become"

5) Breakeven - The Script

"what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay"

6) Not Giving Up - Daniel Merriweather

"went through three winters, three summers

thinkin' that you're gonna return"

7) Maybe - Ingrid Michaelson

"if you have the last hands that I want to hold

then I know, I got, to let them go"

8) Let It Rain - Keri Noble

"And the rain may be falling on my window But I feel like I'm coming alive"

9) Smack Into You (feat Beyonce) - Jon McLaughlin

"I'm willing to run, smack into you"

10) Imma Be - Black Eyed Peas

"I'mma be taking them pics, lookin' all fly and shit"

Who's In?

Goddesses Never Change...

So, last night, Annalee and I FINALLY took our first belly dancing class. We had seen the flyer ages ago and were thwarted awhile back when we went by scheduling snafus.  (The class was on the schedule but not happening- oops!) Of course, here in the Hamptons, the class was called "The Goddess Workout". Did it make me a little nervous to take a 15 year old to such a class? Yep. I had visions of middle aged women opening their shakras and horrifying the child but I did confirm that it was basically belly dancing.

We had a blast! 90 minutes. I had total jingle jangle skirt envy. Whined about it enough that during a break, one of the women lent us each a jingle jangle scarf!!!  Now that was fun!! Without sounding like a bragger- I am a good dancer. 100s of years of classes in my childhood.  Wanted to be a dancer as a grown up but found that the lifestyle (no food) didn't work for me. And as we all know, I LOVE a dance show. And every time I have taken class as an adult, I get very nervous- sure I will be the fattest kid in class, almost talking myself out of it, reviewing my right from left, etc...  But I had a 15 year old looking to me to blaze the way this time. And though I whined about going before. Announced that we were new every 15 seconds during. I kicked some ass. I can't wait to order my OWN jingle jangle skirt!! 

All that aside- women never change. The dynamics in this class (which was class #3 in a series of 10 despite being our first) were the same female dynamics you would see in any elementary or high school class, college sorority, Happy Hour co-worker gaggle.  There was 6 other women in the class of which I was the youngest by easily ten years (and me there with my skinny, teenage friend!) The teacher was late. And the women.... HI-larious!!

There was the Popular Girl. Maybe 55, personal trained into shape, divorcee, embracing her new found whatev, changed her skirt twice, continued to try and steal focus but her main focus was her. She, of course, had a Hand Maiden.  HM may actually have been my age but I barely saw her in Popular Girl's shadow. She also changed her skirt.  There was the Older Friend who was stretching but not making eye contact when we got there. She clearly wanted to hang with PG and HM but feared their ridicule. Kept taking two steps forward and two steps back. Then there was the Class President- who I thought as the teacher- since she came right over to introduce herself to us and find out our scoop. She was nipped, tucked, Botoxed and very friendly but did her thing with confidence. The Teacher's Pet was there, too. Spoke to us after the Class President broke the ice but once the teacher arrived- she was earning her A. And then there was the Basket Case. Late. Positioning herself on the opposite side of the room from PG but directing bursts of laughter at her nonetheless. She lent us the jingle jangle scarves. 

And then there was us, of course. I (we) will take on the Class Clown title (or as Annalee said when I pointed out to her that girls never change- "the bad kids").  Everyone chuckled at my shenanigans which were part nerve driven and part to keep Annalee comfortable in a room of "old ladies". The teacher commented on my skill half way through class but continued to laugh at my jokes.  Madame President asked how I  got my "daughter" to come to a class with me ad how I managed to look "so young". (She was quite relieved to find out I was the Nanny and that I actually am young...  At least I think so. Her face didn't move much.) And I was indeed, the fattest girl in class. I was also- the best. Sure, I didn't really get the continued wrist turning and my belly stayed hidden throughout the dancing but my inner dancer kicked in and kicked ass. I know for sure because when I went to say thanks to the teacher after class- PG was all "Oh my God, you were so great, New Girl!  Like, totally. I mean you were all, 'I'm new' but then you were great. Are you coming back?" HM was not pleased by this and TP just got busier browning her nose. Towards the end of class, I realized that Older Friend had gravitated to Annalee and I under the guise of "being near the fan". (Fan, my ass. It was 900 degrees in that studio.) That was nice if a little strange.

When I was in high school, my Dad ate donuts. Post-heart attack Don rarely does but when he drove my brother and I to school, we always stopped for a donut and coffee at a place that no longer exists in our town. One morning, as I was bitching about Popular Girl and some crazy important drama in my cheerleading uniform, picking at my donut, sure I was the fattest girl in school and that I would never have a boyfriend- my Dad said (or in my memory, announced) "People never change, little girl." At the time, I remember arguing that everyone can change. They learn, they grow. And my Dad, a man of few words regardless of what he was busy eating, just said it again. "People Never Change, Little Girl." 

You were right, Daddy. Well, sort of. People are afraid to change. Here were these grown women- assumably accomplished in their own way, mothers, wives, jingle jangle skirt owners- acting the same way I assume they did in high school. Most people never change. Brave people do. I refuse to concede completely. But I do think we all would prefer to dance (belly or otherwise) with the devil we know. Call it habit, pattern, rut...  it's your Devil. He knows the steps and he is easier. When push came to shove, Matt chose his Devil. When push came to shove (shove being the heart attack that almost killed my father), my Dad kicked his Devil's ass and became a leaner, meaner, food label reading, no more daily donuts guy. Sure, he is still him with all the goods and bads that entails but he drinks Diet Sprite now. 

Last night I danced FOR my Devil. He was there. He's always there. But last night- I saw him, said hi, maybe had a quick drink with him and then watched him dance with the other women because I was too busy jinglin' my borrowed jangles and loving the dance. 

Ice Ice Penguins!

So, though highly frowned upon- I whipped out my Flip in the casino to film all the chaos involved with my new favorite slot machine!! How friggin' cute are those penguins!! Dancin' and spinnin' and Ice Ice Babyin'!!

Gnomes R Gnuts!!

Reporting LIVE From Vegas*!

*OK- I am at home now so not technically reporting LIVE but here are some last minute Vegas pics nonetheless! The pool at the Spa- LUSH. Some last minute sun- DELISH.

And a moment to reflect? Awww, YEAH!

Reporting LIVE From Vegas!

(Cha Ching!)

(I am on the phone with my bro! Not that that stops the pics!)

(Sonic @ 2AM? Delish and much needed but photos? Not so much...)

Reporting LIVE From Vegas!

(OK...  I am posting on Day 3 but the pics WERE from Day 2!)

Reason #347 Why I Don't Go To The Gym

A tale from the Las Vegas Review...

Four Die In Health Club Shooting

Bridgeville, PA- An armed man strolled to the back of an exercise class at the back of a health club in suburban Pittsburgh on Tuesday night and then pulled out two guns and started spraying bullets, leaving four people dead, including himself, and injuring at least nine others, authorities said. 

The Allegheny County police supertintendent said the shooter did not say anything before opening fire.

Reporting LIVE From Vegas!

Down some beans. Hungover. Ready for the pool. 

A fine Day 1 had by all.

Gizmo is NOT a Fan of Sunbathing!

This is what he does instead... Sits and stares at me.

Hoping that soon, I will join him in the shade!

Gizmo much prefers to play "Who's Your Ghosty?" (I named the game.)

He tugs. I tug. He gets the Ghosty and puts his paw on my hand to remind me...
"Who's your Alpha Dog?"

So small yet so fiesty.