A To Z!

And finally, it all comes together... I give you-
Athea's Mobile!!

A is for Acorn
B is for Butterfly
C is for Cupcake
D is for Dragonfly
E is for Elephant
F is for Flower
G is for Giraffe
H is for Hummingbird (purple for Grandma)
I is for Igloo (complete with tiny penguin)
J is for Jammy (Aunt) Jenn
K is for Key
L is for Lizard
M is for Monkey

N is for Ninja (hot pink, of course)

O is for Octopus

P is for Pickle

Q is for Quail
R is for Rhino

S is for Snail
T is for Toucan
U is for Umbrella
V is for Veggies
W is for Whale
X is for XO
Y is for a Yellow Y
Z is for Zebra

(it's so lovely and soothing, she has fallen right to sleep! It's a magic mobile...)

Scenes From A Snowy Day!

And so, on the second morning here in Welches... we woke to 5inchs of snow! I did not pack for this. I thought I packed so well, too! Stupid footwear. At least my sister-in-law has the same size feet as me so I can steal boots to tromp in the snow with E!! But it was Cars that once again ruled the day and a photo shoot of the Lil Sis and Big Bro which ended up being a giggle filled adventure! As was the whole day, really! (Except for the realization that Fabio did not win Top Chef) (I know it wasn't possible and all but still I hoped that THAT was the twist!)

Makin' Snow Angels!

Playin' With Cars!!

Posin' With Felt!! (note A's new purple Mary Jane's!)

Lovin' Auntie Denn!!

Happy Ash Wednesday from Welches!!

I had the most glorious start to Ash Wednesday... with an overflowing of love!! I was pounced upon by my nephew and had my arms quickly filled with niece! They are truly the bee's knees.

And the day just got better from there! Story time at the Library. Painting bird houses and reading all the new books I brought him. Making a mobile together of Felt Friends and baking muffins and just snuggling away with the sweetest little niece ever! I am overloaded with cuteness and exhausted! But alas, the Top Chef finale is finally about to start on the West Coast and I am not ready to pack my knives and go to bed without seeing Stefan taken down!!

Oh, and I had to include this pic of Athea taken by her Mama before I got her because she is wearing the onesie I felted! Eli got a Big Bro shirt, too so there will be a photo shoot tomorrow! Let's just say - Athea has several new pairs of felt booties to choose from now!

FREE PANCAKES!!

No, really! At IHOP! All day. GO! Eat the pancakes. Love the pancakes.

All About Oscar!

Reporting from my couch and with neither rhyme nor reason.. these are MY Oscar high lights!

-A. hates Miley's dress but thinks Hugh Jackman is funny (I concurred)

-I scream twice over Best Supporting Actress. Once for Penelope and once for Robb- who texted that everything was up fro grabs and Spinderella my take Best Actress! Spinderella.

-I am unsure what an "inept silence" sounds like but I know what funny is. Thank you, Tina Fey & Steve Martin. Thank you!

-I, much like Jennifer Aniston, don't know which way the close up of Jolie will come from.

-tiny Asian winner declares... "It's so heavy"

-What's throwing off Daniel Craig and SJP more? His ears or her boobies?

-Edward Cullen v. Robert Pattinson (or The Birth AND Death of Romance for many a girl....)

-Sure am glad I don't have to make a Romance in 2008 montage

-turns out, I enjoy Ben Stiller more when he is NOT talking

-Pot IS funny.... and Rogan said "assss-phalt"

-the Musical is alive and well and honors Drumline? (And also- enough with the At Last)

-Is it colder at PSH's? Did he Doubt the temperature control and thus, a knit hat?

-They couldn't have sat Heath Ledger's family any further away? It wasn't a huge surprise, people!

-HOLY TEETH, BATMAN!

-And tonight on Oscar Presents: Stupid Human Tricks... Man on Chin!

-I like this Tick, Tick, Tick Boom song!

-I would totally add Brad Pitt, Garden Gnome to the patio

-Will Smith is uber-concerned with the fate of the envelope! WTF?! Oh, and maybe should have practiced Resul Pookutty's name

-Miss Alecia Keys? Flat Out Stunning. Mr. Zac Efron? Falls Flat. (I just don't get it)

-Why only 3 nominated songs? If I was The Boss, I would be pissed! (But I do like the whole John Legend meets Bollywood vibe!)

-I think Reese took Queen Latifah's dress, took it in and made it look like ass.

-Anne Hathaway.

-Marian Cotillard describes Kate's craft as being an example of "passion, vulnerability and extraordinary depth" (I concur with that, too)

-I want to start off all further speeches like Sophia Loren from here on out. Hand on hip and oozing sassy, saucy, sexy WOMAN!

-I heart Kate Winslet's Dad. (and want to believe it is never too late for my Dad to learn how to whistle!)

-True or Not... I am choosing to believe that the former Oscar winners wrote their own tributes to the nominees. Except Adrian Brody- who clearly had to google his.

-Seriously, how clucking long is this show? I have made 5 Felt Friends!

- JAI HO!

Thank you and good night...

Like a Reptilian Band Aid....

If ever I got another* pet of a reptilian nature.... You, Sir, are first on my list!

*Historically, I have housed newts, crayfish, snakes, turtles, chameleons (and their squirmy, hop-py meals), hermit crabs, fish... honestly, if it was cold and un-cuddly- I wanted it.... which perhaps is why the Brit worked so well for me! Ba dum bump! Try the veal, I'm here all week!

Linda Lou Whatever...

Maybe you read this tale already (as I am slow on the update this week), but this Indiana woman, Linda (currently) Wolfe, has been married 23 times!!! 23. 23! And she would get married again she says after beeing single for 12 years... because of the loneliness.

She's only 68, now so she still has time, of course.

Here she is in '93, a newlywed for the 23rd (and record earning) time! Love the chair, LLW!

"Linda has been married to a convict, a preacher, a musician, bartenders, homeless men, electricians, and even two gay men. One husband beat her. More than one deserted her.
But this hasn't discouraged her from walking down the aisle again."

And at this point, I say... what would then?

Since I can't even manage one, maybe the lesson is get back on the horse! What Would LLW Do? She would I Do again! Mr. 23 was just a publicity stunt anyway so...

Maybe it just gets uber-easy?

"She never wrote her own vows. And she always saw the end coming."

Or maybe it's the Say Anything lesson that I forgot for awhile... If you see the end coming from the beginning, then you're ready for the next train.

This post was intended to be funny. Or maybe just fun. But I suddenly feel quite sad and stupid.

Oh, it is Brought'N!!

Squeeze the Oranges. Bruise them Peaches.

Cause the Real Ladies of the Big Apple are BACK!

And with a Vengeance!

YAHOOO!

This Post Is Brought To You By...

Feel Sorry For Me!

So, yesterday, after not being able to book a massage (something that is sorely needed- pun intended), I decided to shop for Monday's show*! And as the show is a burlesque show, I let Bella DaBalls take over. She high tailed it to Fever. Her favorite crappy lingerie shop in all of Astoria (see pic)! And she made me buy stuff, oh yes, she did. And with a quick stop at Madeline's Hosery (her second favorite shop) she called me names and bullied me into getting a pedicure. (There really is nothing like walking down Steinway St. beating yourself up like Ed Norton in Fight Club!)

Normally, a pedicure is a great, indulgent thing. But some of you may recall that may last pedicure (in October) ended in me having an infection in my heal after the bitch cut me. I have since refrained but I just wanted a massage and even if I could only get my feet rubbed, well, Bella wouldn't take no for answer. (Especially since NO is rarely an answer she gives) (Whore) (Whiner) And the pedicure was good. No cuts, no abrasions, no fear of a staph infection- just pretty red toe nails and some relaxed feets!

I got home and after chilled for a bit then decided to shower after Jim left for work (and before rehearsing and such). Well.... in trying to avoid the stream of scalding water, I slipped on my moisturized feet and fell ass over tea kettle OUT OF THE SHOWER!! It was all very slow motion, too. A whole lot of "this is going to hurt" on the way down. And in the end- gravity slammed me & Bella to the tile floor, tail bone first, elbow on toilet second, foot on edge of tub last. OWWWWWWW!!!!

My Bathroom and Tea Kettle, Ass not included...

And so, I woke this morning and headed directly to Maria at SPAce Salon here in Astoria who rubbed and stretched and suggested (ice and more stretching) and made the rest of today a little less painful. Sadly, not painless enough to rehearse wholeheartedly but enough. Thus, feel bad for me. Cause my whole body feels like it was hit by a truck... in the bathroom! Plus, Bella is none too pleased about the potential for exposed bruises!

*Harlow's Hide Away

Monday 9PM

Fontana's Basement! 105 Eldridge St

(btwn Broome & Grand), NYC

Doors at 8:30 $10 or $5 with flyer**

Saucy Burlesque Beauties hosted by Honi Harlow

with Anita Cookie, Bella DaBalls, Creamy Stevens and MORE!

**comment/email me with your flyer needs and I will provide!

It's like I am giving you money! 5 Whole Dollars!

Yeah, It's THAT Saturday.

Happy Cluckin' Valentine's Day and other mushy words...

from Me & Heart the Ox.

Yeah, It's THAT Friday.

My Name is Jenn and I...

...have a FELT problem.

Confession time, Peeps! this past Christmas, I decided that instead of buying millions of gifts for the millions of kiddos in my life, I would make them something. I am relatively crafty and thus it seemed like a good idea! And thus, Felt Friend making became my evening hobby. I made ornaments out of felt that were specifically for the recipient- a pineapple for M&H, a peanut butter jelly time ornament for E, a little ladybug for T, etc... But me being me, Christmas came and went and still many a present hadn't been given so the Felt Friend making continued AND got more detailed. Then it became a challenge. Could I make a flamingo? A hermit crab? A seahorse? And the answer was yes! Yes! YES! I decided I would make FFs until I ran out of felt.

But alas, as with any addiction, purchasing more felt became justified. I needed green to make an alligator. Dark brown to make the dots on the giraffe. The perfect shade of yellow to add detail to the felt covered clippy for Susanna. And then I saw felt baby stuff on line and I thought... I need to make those for my new niece! But at the time I didn't know if it was a niece or nephew and I wanted better quality felt for that! Many dollars later, a shipment of wool felt arrived and baby stuff making commenced.... It's a problem, people. My lodger is starting to get worried and a little sick of coming up with appropriate "ooh and ahh" noises... But now I wanna make finger puppets and little gift card holders and clothing and food and O M G!!!

I share because it is time to admit my problem. And also because my personal best has been completed. So I am confessing and bragging... With some Design Intervention from the Jayman, I have risen to my greatest felt challenge of all... What is it? Well... I saw online that someone had made felt Golden Girls.

I thought, interesting, not bad, just ok really.

But if I was going to make a group out of felt, who would I make... the answer?

RUN DMC, of course!!!

Note the bling, the stripes on the Adidas, the boom box... I don't wanna brag, but my Felt DMC would kick those Felt Goldens right in the ass!

So, I would like to thank the Academy (of felt, of course). My Design Intervention, Jayman. My parents. My Dealer (houseoffelt.com). Michaels and my ADIDAS! It's Tricky to work the felt but if you wanna Walk This Way you can't Be Illin'! Yeah, It's Like That!

PS... anyone wanna buy a felt onion?

My Favorite Comic Artist...

...actually came to the Comic Con with me! Ergo, I could have stayed home. Although I wouldn't have gotten to wait in line with a Storm Trooper. Unless I dressed the dog in a Storm Trooper costume? Of course, he ain't standin' in line for jack! Anyway, here is Jayman's latest and it stars ME!! Needless to say- I love it and so will you!!

(Just in case you can't see what I have contributed to the warping of... my young protege has drawn a cartoon of my day with the Ancient Chinese Secret Repairman who came to my home to fix the hot water issue a few posts ago... As you can see, at 9:30AM, he was enjoying a cigarette and some take-out. At 10:30, he got the call "No, Hot Water?" and at 1:45, he foolishly held my hand under cold water that he claimed was hot and got the Kung Fu chop down by yours truly in my belly shirt and despite my GINORMOUS girl superhero boobies!!)

Mother Russia Comes to The Deli...

"Comrade- you have forgotten your pipe?"

Scenes From a Comic Con Far Far Away....

NY Comic Con '09 at the Javitts Center

a place where Storm Troopers wait in line, where scantily clad wrestling females are next to

Mo Willems (creator of the delightful KIDS book- Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus!), where Strawberry Shortcake has a full back tattoo and Wolverine texts his X Men friends and where I decide that a House of The Dead t-shirt is worth jumping for and getting knocked about by people who wanted it WAY more than me!!

Another universe indeed...

Because I Am Inspired by TwoCanAnne...

...and she has the Superbowl Shuffle on her blog. So, I give you the gift of one the best tunes from onbe of my favorite flicks that reminds me of the Superbowl Shuffle! Wildcats!!

World- this is my Delicious Niece, Athea!

Athea- Welcome to the World!

(or as her big brother, the Glorious Eli, told me- "that baby come out, Denn")

She very clearly already has her Daddy wrapped around her finger...  

I am absolutely counting the minutes until I can go meet her!

Hmmm...

I'm not saying that I don't appreciate a fake and bake airbrush six pack as much as the next guy... I am just saying, New Dad is looking at that baby like he is wondering how many grams of protein it has!

O.M.G!!

So, after hating the Fix It Man, the neighbors, the shoveling, the Double Shot at Love--

(so, they each chose the same person and that person chose between them...

"Well, Grandson- after screwing around with Great Aunt Ricki on national TV,

I screwed her over and picked Grandma!" Clucking Weird...)

--I made the following sandwich...

(Did I mention I also organized my cupboards and found a whole lotta recipes?

This was among them)

The Brooklyn Ricotta Roll

Fuhgeddaboudit! It was CLUCKIN' GOOD! I did change it up a bit, as Trade Fair (shockingly) did not have fresh basil and who doesn't love parmesan... Get on this people because it is delish!

2 sandwich rolls (I just used regular deli ones- and I foolishly just made 1)

2/3 C shredded mozz (yeah, I didn't shred or measure)

2/3 C ricotta (again, measuring is for other people)

6 fresh basil leaves (in the absence of fresh basil, I used pesto!)

(stuff I also added: parmesan cheese, squeeze of lemon)

Heat oven to 450. Slice rolls in half horizontally and hollow them out. Put stuff in. (I went with pesto on both sides, squeeze of lemon, mozz, ricotta on the more hollowed out side, parmesan everywhere) Put the top and the bottom together, wrap in foil, bake about 20-25 minutes. Share with Lodger who thinks you are kitchen Goddess. Eat cupcake with booze while Lodger showers with hot water. Watch bi-sexual whores find "love". Wish you had made 32 BRRs!!

Shovelin' Post...*

I am no stranger to snow. I was born in Buffalo, raised on the shores of Onondaga Lake, still wear flip flops in the winter. It took 4 feet or more to get us a clucking snow day and even then we went outside!! We built forts and made snow angels and took sleds out on the lake. I don't mind shoveling. I don't love it but I like it more than taking out the garbage. It's good exercise. And at the moment, it allows me to wear my Rabbit Hat and feel clucking HOT!

However, this post is not about the joy that snow brings. Just look at Edith (circa 1900s)- she likes shoveling. This post is about the trial that was the BFG clucking Apartment today!! First, I had to deal with Smelly Clucking Chinese fix it Woodchuck as he addressed the lack of clucking hot water in the building all day. There was a point when he took my hand, stuck it under the icy running water in my kitchen and shouted "HOT"! There was some clucking kung fu fighting after that... and yet it was still hours before I had any clucking hot water!! And by then, the snow had started to fall.

Now the clucking dill weeds upstairs- Dumb and Princess Dumber who just a few weeks ago threw a fit about "building responsibility" and "sharing the load" and "I'm from Colorado" and "I shoveled!" (once, btw, over a clucking year ago) and yet while I shoveled this evening, hoping to save Jim from having to do it at 9PM when he got home... they both walked right clucking by me and did not lift a clucking finger!!! I absolutely cannot clucking stand people like that! It just pisses me off.

Thank the Lord I bought cupcakes for my post-shovel reward while watching the season finale of Double Shot at Love! Hopefully, there will be clarity here.... is there one winner? Two (as they are competing for bisexual twins)? Will one person be dating both chicks? Will the sisters continue to share everything?

I think I need a clucking drink with my cupcake... and a heating pad! Kung Fu Fighting and Shoveling is hard work all the same clucking day!

*this post has been rated PG by clucking yours truly because my Mom hates when I repeatedly say anything else that rhymes with clucking and starts with an "f". Your clucking welcome, Mother!

The TRAILER For my Favorite Superbowl Ad...

For all the obvious reasons... I will give you a hint- it ain't the car!

My SECOND Favorite Superbowl Commercial!

Yeah, I did it.

I bought it. So what? There are a LOT of rabbits in the world... they breed like rabbits!

(Normally, I don't let the kids swim with Polar Bears but hey, I had my super warm hat on... and Jay is 8 million steps ahead of me in the whole photoshop/iphoto backdrop thing so...)