Ripley Hits The Beach!

Sag Harbor, NY

Just Can't Stop Singing It...

and the fact that it is oh, so fitting today is well- oh, so apt!

Where Else Would You Get Your Watermelons?

roadside. college point, queens

Cue the Dreamweaver...

...I believe you can get me through the niiiight....

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Hold the Butter, Bitch.

Huh.

Cleaning Lady Jackie* enters**.

CLJ: I did some math and I have lost more weight then I weigh.

Me: Wow! That's great- I have not.

CLJ: I have a new younger man now.

Me: Wow! That's great? I do not.

CLJ: He has a real hair fetish.

Me: Wow! That's gre... what?

CLJ: Yeah. He wants me to Bic.

Me: What is your name again?

CLJ: He keeps telling me 'I'm flossing down here'.

Me: No seriously, what is your name?

CLJ: He shaves his whole body. Is it going to rain today?

Me: Don't you have laundry to do?

CLJ: You guys ever go to Splish Splash? I got season passes if you wanna go.

CLJ exits.

*Cleaning Lady Jackie is not her real name. I am not protecting the innocent here. She is new and I don't know her name. But I do know she needs to shave her vagina.

**Ripley and I were hiding in the guest wing to avoid the cleaning ladies. CLJ sought us out there to share these things.

ps... Splish Splash is a water park here in the Hamptons.

Before & After

In an effort that has spanned a couple of weeks... I have cut Ripley's hair! That's right- I have become her groomer, too! This is her

BEFORE

This is her

AFTER!

Not bad, eh?! It helps when you're subject is so cute it's stupid.

Found Fotos the First!

This pic is easily 6 years old. We had bought a tent in Nannyland and set it up in the backyard to "camp out" in! Jay reminded me that we watched Evolution on portable DVD players before falling asleep. I reminded him that deer were head butting the tent all night long and that I was so grateful he slept through it!!

We both agreed that we still don't understand my shirt. I "Sumo Wrestler" Tokyo?

Should Have Planted a Money Tree!

It has been a ridiculously expensive morning at the BFG Apartment. First, Ripley is still limping. She was supposed to be weaned from the 'roids by now but when I tried to cut her down to the last dosage before the end- her limp increased 10 fold. So, I bumped it back up to the least amount daily. She has also been fighting a me-diagnosed UTI. But with me all Shitty Shingles Suzie and the Heat Miser come to town... I slapped her on some Clavamox (doggie antibiotics) and called it a day. Apparently, I am no better at playing Vet than I am at playing Doctor. I mean, I would do both excellently on TV but with the health of the bitches of the BFG Apartment? I should leave it to the pros.

Sadly, the pros are CLUCKIN' EXPENSIVE! A trip to the vet this morning (even with me saying I do not want to do any crazy expensive procedures unless it is do it or she dies) STILL cost a billion*. And how did we get there with Driver having the morning off and Ripley too big for the subway? I rented a car, of course! Which in NYC is just under a billion (but still cheaper than a car service both ways). And now I need a nap before the show tonight or I am just going to spend my time on the mic rantin' and ravin'!! BTW- the diagnosis for Ripley? Yep, UTI. (maybe I am good at playing Vet) Needed more antibiotics. As for the limp? Stay the course. Which I would have done without our expensive morning. UGH!

*only a slight exaggeration!

My Sunflowers!

The Kooky Upstairs Neighbors at The BFG Apartment have many flaws... but they do offer the occasional perk! Many weeks ago, She came down with two seedling sunflowers- maybe 4 inches tall each. They started with a straw as their support system on the patio but have outgrown the straw in leaps and bounds as they are now almost 4 feet tall! Soon... we may even have flowers!!

This Week in the Hamptons...

...Ripley met The Bubble!

Of course, smooches for Mama trump The Bubble!

And the flora is still spectacular!

My Lil' Huntress Returns!

That's Ms DaBalls, if you're nasty...

bella @ Fontana's

When I Grow Up...

...I wanna be this guy- Adam Gertler! He is the host of Food Network's new show Kid In A Candy Store. (Mondays @ 8PM)

The show is all about the bestest, yummiest, wackiest desserts around the country and Adam gets to fly around and eat 'em!! JEALOUS! The first episode made me wanna run out and find sugar! Watch it with a salt lick 'cause it is SWEET!

ps... nyc readers- who wants to hunt down the Treats Truck with me?!?! I may join twitter just to find the bitch! Ice Cream Cone Cupcakes and Dessert Nachos anyone? (featured in the "weird & wacky" episode)

O.P.P. 2!

Squirrel goes back for the pass... It's gonna be a Hail Mary!

Emily

The woman who grows the sunflowers in the OPP post has a delightful granddaughter called Emily. She is probably 6 years old and she LOVES Ripley. Yesterday, she was given the choice of riding her bike before swimming or playing at home and she chose, "riding her bike to Ripley"! How cute is that?!

So, there she was, on her Disney Princess bike with training wheels on the back and a basket in the front. In her basket? Her Zoe doll to show Ripley and a SUNFLOWER she had picked for both of us!! She promptly chucked it over the fence in a delightful display of 6 year old generous shyness!

ADORBS! We love sunflowers! And we love Emily!

I'm Down with O.P.P.*

Total Sunflower Envy... Look how tall they are!!

Excuse Me, While I Kiss This Guy!

(ps... though not unlike me, I did not kiss this statue! That would have required putting lipstick on!)

Hey! How YOU doin?! Look at the size of MY basket!

"O is for other. P is people (scratchin' temple)... the last P, well, that's not so simple!"

-Naughty By Nature

*ummm, my P is for Patio.

One More...

Random Shingles Shots from the Patio

Ahhh, Shingles.

So, the shingles have left me a bit blue. A LOT in pain but a little blue. And how does one cure a tiny case of the pain locked blues? Internet shopping!

First on the agenda- a bag. When Ripley and I go to the park in the morning, I am not sure who looks crazier. Ripley, with her nutjob hair cut or me, with all her accoutrements sticking out of my clothes! (cell in my bra along with iced coffee money, poo bags in the waistband on one side/small dish for Ripley to have a drink from in the waistband on the other side...) Clearly, I need more clothes with pockets. Until I acquire those- I decided I needed a pup walkin' bag! I could have used an old bag, of course BUT why?! So, this bright pink and lime green LeSportsac is now tucked with poo bags and a tennis ball and a small water bowl (all hot pink, btw) and the most important thing... Iced Coffee Cash!

But a bag didn't soothe my owwws nearly enough. And so I ordered myself a Bangerang Bake Shop cupcake. I got me a "Plain Jane In A Party Dress" cupcake... It's vanilla/vanilla. Because I like my cupcakes like I like almost nothing else- all white! OH. MY. HEAVENLY. GOODNESS. Shingles or not- order yourself one today! If for no other reason than the sweet little jars they come in! And also, did I mention they are DELICIOUS!
I couldn't even finish it. Which means there is more for tomorrow!! YAHOOO! There may even be room for it in Ripley's bag!

Look at me, makin' lemonade out of my shingles!

Jack Wagon!

At Least Something is Loving The Heat!

Ummm...

27th Street, Astoria

George Michael Crashes His Car Into A Shop?!

Top 10 Reasons He Did It:

10) He no longer had Faith

9) He was going to Fast, Love

8) Careless or otherwise, when you Whisper into your mobile you can't focus on where the road ends and the shop begins

7) There was a Monkey on his back and who can drive like that?

6) Aretha was Waiting For him

5) He went Go Go before he had time to Wake Up

4) He really wanted a Malteaster bunny and thought he needed to Try One More shop

3) He was a little too busy putting a tiny hand on his Father Figure

2) Last Christmas, he gave the owner of the shop his heart and he is still pissed

and the number one reason George Michael crashed his car into a shop?

1) Despite Praying For Time, his Patience was at an end... What did he want?

FREEEEDOM!

(pretty Amazing, no?!)

(Clearly, I am tired of shingles and at the end of my rope...

Oh, Lisa Stansfield- These Are the Days of My Life!)

The Tale of the Dusty William

OK... perhaps it was two summers ago, perhaps it was three but it was a Sunday. Chris & I went to Home Depot (with a cocktail if I remember correctly) and got some plants. Among them- the dusty miller. (I like to call mine the Dusty William for no apparent reason). It was a 6 inch plant. Chris' has since died. Mine got moved around the patio a bit and finally, last fall ended up in the corner.

Here it is in its current home. Just a side dish to the bush beside it that decided for the first time ever to flower with pretty pinkness!

According to The Gardener's Network... the dusty miller will grow 12-18 inches. At this point, mine was more than two feet tall! See how cutely Ripley poses in front of it? Still unimpressed and almost dismissive- what with the pretty pink flowers having fallen off the cool bush.

That awesome dragonfly plant stake is 2 feet tall. Notice how much bigger the Dusty William is!

But then little cauliflower like buds started appear at the end of the tallest stalks. Weird I thought, but not even noteworthy enough to take a close up of.....

...until they started to bust open in the most glorious yellow color!!

And they just kept blooming and blooming until BLAM! The Dusty William finally claimed it's space on the patio with an explosion of yellow on white beautifulness! No longer a side dish- the Dusty William was a main course!

And though the flowers didn't last long, they did provide a surprising bouquet or two!

Man, I love my Dusty William. It kicks the dusty miller's ass!