Ice Cream?

Ice Cream at The Arctic King- Brewerton, NY: $5.45

Replacing the camera I *&^%$#! dropped at The Arctic King- Brewerton, NY: $229 + tax

Evening with My Mom: PRICELESS!

Me and my Poppie!

Live From Buffalo!

So, I went to Buffalo yesterday to visit my Grandfather who had just come home from Quadruple Bypass Surgery! He is doing better and very happy to be home... he had not one but TWO shit slinging roommates! Ridiculous! While visiting him, I got to speak to some of my Aunts and Uncles... all of whom are beside themselves with glee that "Jenny has a boyfriend!" Thank God... I think they thought that my existence was apparently futile up until now!

Anyway, my Dad and I also went to his parents house. Both have been gone for over a year and I must say are probably rolling in horror in their graves! My Uncle Roger (who lives there still) has let the place got to hell! There is a cat that lives in the house (and me with no Benedryl on hand), it hasn't been cleaned in what looks like centuries and the flies... don't get me started on the friggin' flies!! Absolute disgrace. My Uncle, by the way, is a grown man who despite being in the final stages of emphysema, can lift a sponge! Dinner was not a fun affair... 'course by then we had added my Aunt Alice and she is a real treat!

The only positive of that portion of my visit was that just outside the door, was a litter of kittens. Four of them, about four weeks old (my Dad guessed) and ridiculously cute!! They thankfully, balanced out the horror of indoors! (Though they didn't help ye olde allergies!) I can't tell you how much I wanted to take all four home! Instead I took 400 pictures... here are the highlights!

Road Trip, Anyone??

My uber-cool cousin, Rachelle took this one of Niagara Falls whilst my entire family was together in Buffalo and I was in London with a family that barely knows how to be together....

Maybe if my Grandfather IS out of the hospital by tomorrow, he will want to go again?? It has been a while since I took a boat ride on The Maid Of The Mist and I do need a new poncho....

So Long, Ruby Red!

I finally got a new phone!! YAHOOO, ME! Peeps... meet the Silver Devil? Silver Surfer? Silver-y?? Yeah, name suggestions would be helpful! Mayhap, simply Timmy?

Does This Make Me Old?

Or just sensible??? The Teen Choice Awards are being broadcast this evening and so as I type, Avril is shouting her "Girlfriend" complete with bleeped out "motherf*%$ing princess" line... I am of course watching it because I don't have cable and with only 5 choices, this is the tops for now! But after I just heard the following, I may just watch the football!

This year they have a Horror category! That's right, people- Teen Choice Awards, aimed at 11 year olds, nominating some of the following for awards.... Hostel II, Saw III, 300 (all of which I have seen, Saw III almost made me vomit when the man was being drowned alive in liquefied rotten pig flesh and the sex in 300 was HOT- that chick had some serious knockers and the rape scene was great)!! Don't forget the other Rated R nominees (I would hate to seem anti-horror)- Knocked Up, Borat, The Last Kiss and Justin's big nomination for Alphadog!! "Over 6 Million Viewers Tune in with Record Ratings among Kids 6-11 and Highest Viewership of Tweens Ever"!!! SIX YEARS OLD!!!! (and by Tweens, they mean 9-14)

It is unbelievable to me that the same people that think nothing of letting their kids see a racy PG13 would let them vote on a very horrid R! (And seriously, if Hostel II doesn't deserve an NC17 rating, I don't know what does anymore!) Whenever people wonder why kids are lacking in respect or aren't functioning as well as they could be- don't blame it on the media or lack of Ritalin, blame it on the parents!!! Kids are watching the Teen Choice because Miley Cyrus just introduced an award and the cast of the ridiculously bad High School Musical 2 is up for Crap of the Year and are getting a solid helping of Rated R. "How would we know?", Parents may cry... because the show was taped Sunday, the nominations have been up for weeks, I don't even have cable and I knew it was on! A very quick google would have revealed all they needed to know to put something else on! And don't even get me started on the Choice Hottie category!! As a girl who never has and never will look like winner Jessica Alba, I am about to get out a pint of Double Fudge Brownie and cry in my vodka so I can't even imagine how the average, say 7 year old's self esteem is being stomped on right now!

And the thing is, as I don't even have kids (though I do oft feel like I am raising a whole family) my real complaint is WHAT THE HELL IS LEFT FOR GROWN UPS??? Porn? Is that all there is? Then again, they opened the show by showing host Hilary Duff's Maxim cover! Oh well, I guess we have nothing....

Bring on the football! Now that Ryan Seacrest just won Choice Hissy Fit for his fine turn in the oh, so appropriate for the teen girls screaming for him Knocked Up, I feel ill.

Pit Bull CHAOS!

OK... what the hell is going on?!

I am far less concerned about the dumb starlets shooting down from the

pedestals they have climbed onto

(and landing in giant piles of poos),

and much more concerned for our canine friends!!

DMX's house is raided and 12 (that's right, 12) pit bulls are taken to animal shelters!! And then the bones of 3 more are found buried in the yard?? And DMX knows nothing??? I am completely at ease with the fact that they found illegal fire arms... that is de rigueur for the average rapper but badly treated dogs? And dog bones? UNBELIEVABLE!

God, I hope he and Michael Vick get paired up in prison with some big, angry dog lovers who wear "You're My Bitch Now" pajamas! (I volunteer to make said PJs!)

Arpaio said the deputies who served a search warrant at the home Friday seized 12 pit bulls tied up on the property and took them to an old jail that has been converted into an animal shelter.Deputies found the buried dogs when they dug up the back yard. One had apparently been burned and the cause of death on the others was unknown because the bodies were decomposing.*

*from the AOL article on the bastard

Hope It Was Huge (Take 2)

Somehow, the clip got deleted before... Plus I wanted to watch it again! This man is channeling my every response to a cockroach!

Treasures, Cont.

And speaking of stunners... This is my Grandfather. Obviously, at some point during his service in WW2. He told us a story of a time he had to stand on the train journey from Mississippi (where he was stationed) to Buffalo to visit my Grandmother. That's right... Mississippi TO Buffalo!! The entire way! I don't like to stand from Ditmars to Lexington!! Clearly, I didn't inherit that degree of commitment! (Well, at least for standing...)

Digging leads to such treasures....

Wasn't my Nona a stunner??

I am unsure of the year this was taken (so, family... feel free to make a guess via the comment section!) but she could strike a pose!

Hope it was HUGE!

I feel your pain, Weather Dude. I feel your pain...

...Not sure what happened to the youtube clip! Ok, I need to put it on again... I hate cockroaches. I love this clip! So did my Mom!

The J List is Covered.

How cool are these photos?? (Titled Stacked and Uplift) Thomas Allen takes pulp novels and cuts out characters in the illustrations and then bends them up and snaps away!! With no high-tech help! What a cool photographer! His book Uncovered is out soon and I have pre-ordered! The J list wishes that there were 11x14s of these two available for hanging in the home! Maybe someday...

Ducklings, Cubs and Lambs, Oh My! Part VI

Because a) I haven't done one in awhile and b) I couldn't resist...

These are Red River Hoglets and they are 17 days old. They live with their mum, Bahiti at the London Zoo. They normally occupy the forests of West and Central Africa when they are not looking stinkin' adorable in London!

El Diablo.

Te amo el diablo.

Safety First!

I assume the tractor wasn't running! Although maybe that explains my hair...

Like An Old School BabyGap Ad!

Doing some hunting 'round my apartment for the bill* from when my Dad was born (which I stole many moons ago from my Grandma's house) and I came across this good looking photo from 1975.... I wonder whatever happened to that hat...

*for the record: my Dad was born in '49 and the entire six day stay in a "semi-private room" and all the medicines and stuff cost my Grandparents $89.90!!! How insane is that??

The new fish tank I want is $39.99! NUTS!

Chris Berman + Dunkin Donuts =

GREATNESS!

My favorite football announcer plus my favorite coffee maker? Throw in some sort of new bacon sandwich and you have got magic. Magic, I say! I. Could. Go. All. The. Way. To. Dunkin!

C'mon Dubya....

Get your kit off! You can't possibly appear dumber than you normally do!

Wonder how much Stoli accompanied this photo shoot...

Go Putin! It's your birfday!

HELP!

I don't understand how to add a pic to my dashboard!!! First, I thought I had figured it out but it keeps telling me illegal characters or too long! For the record, this is the picture I thought would be fun but apparently blogger disagrees! I should have tried it in German.... AAARRGHH!

I need another cup of tea. And probably, a nap.

The Joy That Is Jason!

Look what Jason found and knew

I would love to order!

My only complaint is that there is only 25!

They'd be used up in a day!

The Douche Card

Tired of arguing with complete morons? Tired of getting into bar room brawls? Well now avoid the confrontation with our glorious Douche Card.

Simply hand it to the asshole in question and walk away. Problem solved.

Package includes 25 cards. $5.00

Can anyone else say "Christmas Card"??

Me and Matt at The London Dungeons... 19 August 2007

This One's for Sarah...

A long time ago (in a glaxy far, far away, of course) Sarah and I went to tea. The year was 1996 and we chose The Palms. We had no idea that The Palms was in The Ritz! We felt a bit out- classed and under-Royalty'd so we only took one picture! In the bathroom... Luckily, this time, A. volunteered to fill in! Cheers, Sarah!

National Lampoon's Nannyland Vacation- Day 5

Tea at The Lanesborough and Billy Elliot... The perfect end.
PS... Billy Elliot is a fantastic show!

Mainly because of the incredible skill of the young dancer who played Billy.

What a talent! I was so proud of him, I cried! It's coming to Broadway, I understand.

I don't hold out much hope for the regional English dialect but

fingers crossed they find a kid even half as good!!

National Lampoon's Nannyland Vacation- Day 4

Day 4 brought all of us to the London Dungeon! Jay abandoned ship almost instantly as the wax figures were gross and it smelled like urine in the first room! Delish! The rest of us battled on... brave and stupid! Because, although it got about as scary as your average haunted house- it continued to smell funny and was downright sweltering! Between the heat and the 13 year old clinging to me, I sweat buckets and came out hot, cranky and wanting to go home! Then again, that is also how I went in! But Matt and I got a great photo and as soon as I can scan- I will share! Never has he looked so thrilled to hold a giant axe! We did a little Piccadilly after but when Jay realized it wasn't a real Circus, we abandoned ship altogether and went to McDonalds and Virgin Mega Store. And then Matt went home.... Not our best day, people.

On a side note...

For no apparent reason, when I log on to blogger.com here at The Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park, it goes directly to blogger.co.de! That's right people, I have been posting in German! Thank God it looks the same! :) Although spell check is a real bitch... Ihr Blog-Post wurde veröffentlicht! Well, that's what I always say!

And across the world....

Eli still RULES!! Those eyes, that smile... My nephew is just a Q-T-PIE!

National Lampoon's Nannyland Vacation- Day 3

And there was only one thing that ruled the day today... MATT!!!

(although Hampton Court was very cool! As was the Star Wars exhibit we went to at

County Hall- not terribly British but terribly AWESOME!)

National Lampoon's Nannyland Vacation- Day 2

So, the highlight of yesterday (besides our double decker tour bus guide, Donna)

was the London Eye. It is sort of a giant ferris wheel built to comemerate the Millenium.

The view from the top was quite spectacular!

The dinner we had before our "flight" at this restaurant called Rules

was also quite spectacular!!

National Lampoon's Nannyland Vacation- Day 1

So, after a lovely time in Virgin Atlantic First Class... Nannyland was dragged (drug?) by their tired little asses to some of London's finest sights! I, of course, who got NO sleep on the plane didn't kill anyone... a feat I am incredibly proud of! Because it was diffficult not to, people. Very, VERY difficult.

Gizmo and a Horse of a different color!!!

So, a little late with these postings but the internet here at the Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park Hotel is a little dodgy! This is Gizmo on the Dock of the Bay in the Hamptons and Annalee and I and her horse, Scout at her horse show on Wednesday! She got a 2nd Place ribbon for jumping! WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!

I love Uncle Stevie!

I knew there was a reason I have always loved Stephen King! And not just because I was a very odd 10 year old... Something most of you know from my autobiography that was created at about the same time I started reading King's adventures! (Thank God, I didn't write it a year later... I would have had reincarnated pets and cars that talked and a creepy clown under my bed!) (But still make thousands!! Despite my fashion design business going down the tubes...)

The link below is for those of you that don't get Entertainment Weekly. In last week's issue, Stephen King summed up the Harry Potter universe!! And quite fantastically if I do say so myself! I love him. Read on, people, for Uncle Stevie speaks the truth...

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20044270_20044274_20050689,00.html

So, I am a wee bit retarded...

Here I thought I was HamptonsBound for only a day and then we were off to Jolly Olde on Monday evening... But alas- we don't leave until Wednesday evening! DUH!! Regardless, I am already exhausted. Clearly 5 weeks off was not nearly enough!

The J List continues....

So, I just hoovered my apartment in preparation to leave for Nannyland's European Vacation and I miss the Dyson! And thus, I am putting it on The J List! I cannot wait for the glorious day when I can chuck this crap vacuum out the window and welcome a heavenly new Dyson to my home!

Oh, and then there are the morons...

Overheard by Tom and I at the zoo:

Moron Mother to Potential Future Moron Child:

"See that colorful bird? It's the same one that is on the Fruity Pebbles Box."

OK- the Toucan never graced any other cereal than Fruit Loops but way to pass on your idiocy!!

It wasn't even a discussion of Quantum Physics, for God's sake!!

Even Fred Flintstone knows that one! Moron.

Cuteness Factor? Incredibly high!!

After a lovely brunch at Vynl's new Upper East Side post- in which our waitress said that the "pepper jelly was the greatest condiment ever"- we went to the zoo!! On a side note, the jelly was loved by all at our table who tasted it and although I am not sure that any of them would second it as the "greatest ever", I think it has definitely moved up every one's condiment lists! Then again, between Abigail and Susanna- I could have cared less about the pepper jelly!

What a pleasure it was to spend an afternoon in the breezy sunshine with two charming, happy, wonderful little girls! And their parents (and their Auntie Eunice) ain't half bad either!

The J List totally Covets...

...all things Eddie! This is among my favorite bits. I would put that suit on The J List but I don't hink I would look as good in it! The J List likes its Eddie like it likes its coffee...COVERED IN BEES!

Also on The J List tonight....

I have coveted Pottery Barn's Charleston Sofa for at least three years now! Soon, I will have it!!

The J List

Ok, so Oprah has the O List and I want a J List, damn it! The J List- a list of things I think are cool and want. It's like a Christmas List in August only instead of mailing it to the North Pole, I am blogging away.... Why?? Because I am a broad who likes things!! I am a broad who covets!

(not my neighbor's wife but you know things from The O List!!)

And thus, I begin The J List coveting an item from The O List back in July 2006. (I had cut out the picture and it has been sitting on my desk.... coveting without buying... a skill or a ridiculous display of procrastination?) (My parents gave my money to get an iPod for Christmas 3 years ago...

I haven't got one yet because I can't pick which one I want!

And don't even get me started on the new cell phone!!)

How cool is this vase?? The lily-of-the-valley is my favorite flower. It blooms for about 6 seconds every spring. Leave it to me to love something so difficult to obtain!

Seems to be a theme for me lately....

Loving the Fall....

...not just the fall into love with Matthew... awww (insert vomit noise here) but the Fall... As in the season!!!

I'll be honest, I love the sunshine. Love it. And even love the heat that goes with it if I am sipping a vodka and pink lemonade on the beach and can pick up seashells if I want to be active or cool off in a wave if I am too hot!! Otherwise, I am a girl that loves Fall. Autumn. The season between summer and winter. It makes sense- I was born in Buffalo. Fall is the glorious time before winter. And winter lasts a solid 9 months!!

Part of the reason that Fall makes me so happy is that the sun is out but I am not sweating! I hate this blanket like heat, people! I didn't miss this in Britain! Even today- not the rain part but the cool part... LOVED IT! I hate having to bring baby powder and worry about chafing and being all sticky and gross. Jenn Hyjack concurs with me! She said so herself at our glorious pasta dinner tonight! We had pasta because Crazy Caprice needed some pasta before her 14 million mile run in the morning. Sadly Caprice couldn't make it. The pasta was still damn good though! Otto's. Delish. Fall Delish. My new jacket that I can't wait for it to be cool enough to wear, A season I like to love called FALL. Delish!

So, I ask Matt to help me choose my new phone....

Maybe not my best idea. This is Arthur and his new phone.

Arthur likes tuna, says Matt.

YUM.

The sunset. The hair. The look of love and intrigue in his eyes...

I got some bounty for you to hunt, Dog.

Crazy New Zealanders....

So, I remember first reading this story whilst in England about the child of a NZ couple that was to be named 4Real. That's right- the number 4 and then Real. As its name!! Because clearly, Pat and Sheena hate their son. Sadly for them, the government said "ummmm, NO!" (Pat said, "for real?" and the NZ Government said, "yes, jerkweed.") How did they settle on 4Real?? After seeing the scan and realizing their child was FOR REAL. Turns out, you can't name a child a number in NZ. I do wonder what the rule here is. Thank God, Pat and Sheena have a back up plan. They are going to legally call their two month old son Superman but out loud- now and forever- he will be 4Real. Until he gets his ass kicked in kindergarten 4 having a number 4 a name! I hate people.

Vowel Night!

So, last night was Vowel Night with Elizabeth C. Gutterman! (I call her E. and she calls me O.) (E. is obviously for Elizabeth and O.. is obviously for Octopussy!) (Don't ask...) Anyway... we got delicious manicures at Acqua Beauty Bar on 14th Street and then retired to Jane down on Houston for a ridiculously tasty dinner!! I did see a mouse run across the floor of the dining room but in Jane's defense-there was crazy construction happening immediately outside their door and the manager bought us champagne so.... We stayed. We ate. We loved. For dessert we had huge warm chocolate chip cookies served with a glass of milk and a scoop of vanilla gelato (in the milk!!) God, I wish Fresh Direct would get here faster... I am starving!!

As I didn't have to work yesterday, I decided I needed a massage pre-manicure! People, I highly recommend this!! Her name was Angel. She was a showgirl... This masseuse put her hands, elbows, arms and back into it! (I am fairly certain she did not put her ass into it!) And not only did she do a fantastic job but mid-back, she stopped to make an extraction! (She also does facials)... As she sensed my confusion, the conversation went as follows:

Angel: Oh, you have ingrown hair.

Me: ahhhh...

Angel: I feel it when I pass over.

Me: ohhhh....

Angel: I got. It is thick, brack hair.

Me: huuuuhhhh....

Angel: You know. Rike nose hair.

Me: WHAT?!

Angel: That area, hard to crean. I know.

Turns out. I had a nose hair in my back. In MY defense- the lights were low. I didn't see it. I was too relaxed to care. Now, I am a rittle weirded out but what can you do?? So, run don't walk to Angel at Acqua. She rules and she goes the extra mile! And then go give yourself (not a mouse) a cookie!