The Original Sex in The City!

I couldn't sleep and so was just getting some stuff done when an episode of The Golden Girls came on! I completely forgot how funny this show is! And since I am half-way to Dorothy already, when I grow up... I want to be Sophia!

She just called Blanche's gay brother and boyfriend- "Butch and Sundance"! Such spunk! If only I have half that much when I am her character's age! (Which is somewhere between what... 70 and 102?)

De La Vega Strikes Again!

Good Mannequins Gone Bad!

No need for straight jackets when bubble wrap is enough!

My Eli- One Darn Cute Tree Hugger!

On the road to CA, my bro & fam stopped to take a few shots! They shared 'em with me and

well, I couldn't help but share them with you!

Happy Memorial Day!

AAARGGGHHHH!

Does anyone else feel like they are trapped in the Frustration Ball or just me?!?!

WIN!

Apparently, you had more than me!! Congrats, DC!

PS.... 1) I think Simon is a cagey bastard who fired up DC's fans and got 'em to call in due to his harshness! Especially as he called DC to win on Letterman/Leno Monday night. It only makes me love him more! 2) Did Amanda miss rehearsals or was she just sipping from Paula's cup?? She didn't know any of the lines or the walking pattern choreography- what a train wreck! 3) What did George Michael do to his beautiful face? He looked weird. 4) How old is Donna Summer? 5) Weird Guru promo chaos... Although I liked when he called Ryan"Seafoam"! 6) Seafoam looks retarded in this pic... Ahh, the insides matching the outside??

Are you Shitting me, American Airlines?

For about 20 minutes, American Airlines was my friend. Kerry and I each used miles to get to St. Lucia and ended up paying $55 each for our round trip flights! We also paid in time... upon departing St. Lucia, we were told they had switched us to another flight which sounded good at the moment but ended up leaving us in San Juan for 4 hours plus! Good times.

But as of this morning, I am breaking up with American Airlines. Starting in June, American will charge $15 for your first checked bag and $25 for any additional checked bags! Not to their Captain's Club or Business Elite travellers or anyone who books at full price thru their airline (does anyone do that? Even me, Queen of the Last Minute Booking, never books at full price!!) just to the average joe who is going on vacation or visiting relatives or whatever.... And screw you if you have kids! A family of four, travelling with two bags each, will have to pay $320 just to get their luggage from A to B!!

I understand that oil prices have gone up (before the war? $28 a gallon. Now? $130ish) and that the economy is limiting peoples travels but for the love of God! It's like saving money on cars by not putting in a steering wheel!! What's next??? Charging for seat belts? If you want a life vest that does inflate- $10! Gotta pee? Better have $1.25 in quarters!!

It's not me, American Airlines- It's YOU!

Win or Lose....

You still had me at Happy Together!

But because jimmyv2222 said it so much better than I could, I express myself and my opinion through the medium of the AOL Response boards- typos and all!

"I would rather listen to nails n a chalkboard than listen to Baby elmo sing. His voice is boring, his songsa are boring and he is boring, that dumb little 13 year old laugh. I like how when they went back to their home towns all the cheerleaders came running out to him, 10 weeks ago they wouldnt have given Baby Elmo the time of day. Go ahead Archuletta win Idol so we dont have to hear you anymore"

(for the record... I do not think you will win but I do think that will work out tres better for you! Taylor Hicks? NO! I bought and rocked Daughtry's CD along with give or take 3 million more people!)

Take Heed, ye who Hike...

Whilst on the beautiful isle of St. Lucia, Kerry and I decided to partake in a stroll through the Rain forest. We had visions of beautiful foliage and strange, alien-like flowers, maybe a glimpse of a lizard or a parrot or even a snake or two... We brought sneakers. We thought we were prepared. Turns out... HELLS NO!!

We thought we were going on an easy hike, We had one small bottle of water between us and bug spray in our handbags (note I didn't say back packs). We had cameras and swimsuits (for a dip in the waterfall we were meant to encounter) and off we went! I made fun when they handed us walking sticks- alternating between playing majorette and embracing my inner Gandolf and using my staff to release Kerry from the evil grip of Saruman. Ahhh, the innocence. We were a little winded on the way into the Rain forest as down, down, down we went. But I was taking pictures and brandishing my staff and looking forward to the swim. We saw a lizard and great flowers, plants and trees and did not kill the other hikers (who were crazy annoying!) This is the joy that was the waterfall.... Do you feel the joy??

It was on the way UP that the lie became the truth. This particular hike (we later learned) was rated moderate to strenuous. MODERATE to STRENUOUS!!!! 45 minutes to an hour it took us to get out and it was straight uphill. Now, we did see a parrot fly away (most likely terrified by the echoes of our heavy breathing and the crash of my lungs collapsing) but we only saw it because we couldn't move another friggin' step. At one point, our guide shouted to Kerry & I that it was only "5 more minutes". I promptly responded (in my most delightful, lack of volume control growl) - "your 5 minutes or my 5 minutes!!!" Ahh, the peaceful sounds of the Rain forest... shattered. As Kerry so eloquently gasped it (who knew she should have brought her inhaler?)- "nature is overrated". In that moment, had I had the strength to nod, I would have wholeheartedly agreed.

And so- that is two important lessons we take away from St. Lucia.... never attempt to apply aerosol sunscreen on a windy beach and never, NEVER attempt a hike whose rating is unknown!!

Thank you and good night.

Oh, AOL Astrologer....

Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)You're always a lady, Libra, even when swimming laps or bodysurfing. You'd look great in a bust-enhancing, French country print tank in cheery green with pink embroidery. Or, if your figure can handle it, go with a structured bikini top and bottom with a high-cut leg. For festive occasions like pool parties, tie a sarong around your waist or add a gauzy silk cover-up dress with plunging neckline and empire, drawstring belt.

Sounds of St. Lucia

And so, on our last night, we made an audio recording. Just close your eyes, breathe and enjoy! (And make sure your volume is on!)

Room With A View....

...and this was mine for the last week. We were not in Astoria, Toto!

Run, don't walk, to St. Lucia, people!!

(When you get there, there will be no running... too damn hot!)

Maybe he should tag in for LuPone?

Because it sounds like 17 yr old David Archuleta's Dad is heading straight to Stage Parent Hell!! It's Star Search all over again!

I wonder if he knows Gypsy? He will have a lot of free time now that he ain't allowed backstage!

Jeff Archuleta's intense backstage involvement had become a source of concern for the series, the person connected with "American Idol" said - but it was a lyric change on Tuesday's show that pushed producers to act.Despite a warning, Jeff Archuleta insisted on altering "Stand by Me," one of two songs his son sang on the show Tuesday. By adding a verse from Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls," the father incurred additional costs for "American Idol," the person said.

Chick, Chick, Chick, Chick- CHICKEN!

As many of you know, Mark & Hanna are such delights and they have two beautiful children and a wonderful dog but they are also trying to raise said family and move house- so, for my dear Hanna's birthday, I figured I should avoid the usual suspects (the Eggys, the Garlic Coliseums, the Cheese of the Month Clubs) and get her something special that she could really love! (and not have to pack!) And so I got her a chicken.
That's right...a chicken. Mr. Pickles, to be specific. Mr. Pickles will add to their brood from his home at the Farm Sanctuary in Watkins Glenn, NY. Mr. Pickles was rescued from a pet store and is a shy, cautious chicken who loves grapes and romaine and has a new proud parent in Hanna! She is absolutely clucking with joy!! And I can't wait to take advantage of the Bed&Breakfast and go meet him "in person"! (It's a vegan breakfast, btw- no bacon at the Farm Sanctuary!) Welcome to the family, Mr. Pickles... keep on cluckin'!

My Secret Weapon.

This is my Dirty Nemesis. I call him That Dirty Fucking Squirrel or Squirrel, for short.

He is undoing all my hard work in the yard to hide his damned peanuts in the ground!!

What store sells a Squirrel peanuts, first of all??

Well, HA, Squirrel, HA!

For I have covered the ground surrounding my plants with cayenne pepper!

And if it burns your dirty nuts like it burned my eye when it blew in...

then I will sleep easier!

I was probably 2 feet from him when I took this pic.

Just stayed on my gate playing with his nuts. It is on, Baby!! It is ON!

My Girlfriend is SOOOO Nice!

So, rumor has it that my Girlfriend gave Posh a dozen cupcakes a month for a whole year for her birthday! Posh reportedly does not eat sweets (or anything, for that matter)...

Was Heidi Auf Wiedersehen-ing Posh's rail thinness??

Or is she really just the sweetest thing ever??

And if the second- where are my cupcakes, HK??

(I am pretty sure HK had just given birth like 20 minutes before this.

That is how magical she is.)

Meet The Family!

They are loud, they think they're funny, they serve too much food... but they are mine!

And I love them!!

Everyone!

Uncle Mike, Aunt Loretta, Marissa, my Mom, me, Matt and Patty!

Tori, Val, Michael, Matt & Me!

A Former 7 Wonders of The World!

Ladies and Gentlemen... I give you Niagara Falls!

Formerly known as a Wonder of The World!

(It got the boot from the list, I'm afraid)

But we still thought it was pretty, darn cool!!

Bring on the barrels!

And whilst Matt and I were visiting The Cave of The Winds

(as seen above- thanks for the pic, Japanese tourist!)

My Ma&Pa were watching Seagull Porn!! Let's get it on!!