Merry Christmas Day!

From waking up to a gentle snow (and a romp with Hershey) to massages to fun with penguins at the Casino... It was indeed a Merry Day at our house! Hope it was at yours, too!!

Oh, Otter....

On Sunday, my brother's dog got hit by a car and didn't make it. This has left me utterly shattered.

I fucking loved that dog.

And I hope the douche bag driver- who stopped and got out but clearly didn't give a shit about his lack of caution or the fact that he had just killed one of God's BESTEST critters-

feels the pain of a thousand hammers whacking his nuts.

If only "getting the tape" fixed all broken things, Eli....

Breaking Weather News from The Patio!!

Yep, Looks like SNOW!

You're Welcome!!!

And a big thanks to Kerry for forwarding this blog to me! Oh, but I laughed and laughed.... And then I forwarded it to Jim- who laughed and laughed from the other room! Some funny shit, yo!!

Here is a sample....

Just because you have your mouth opened like that doesn't mean I can't see those giant needles on your entire body ready to impale me, Hedgehog. You think I'm afraid, but I also don't want to hurt you because you're too cute, right? Well, you know what, Hedgehog? You cross me, in ANY way, and I WILL NOT HESITATE TO DESTROY YOU. Believe that, Hedgehog. Now watch your fucking step.

Creator of www.fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com - will you be my new best friend?? Go! Read them ALL! Wish for more... You will just laugh and laugh!

Praise The Lard...

...and Pass The Biscuits!!

That's what my magnet from Nashville says, anyway!

But it was only one of the many, many highlights!!

Oh, yeah... it was a filling and tasty trip! Much like the biscuits!!

Meanwhile....

By The By....

Santa came early to the BFG Apartment this year...  Well, Amazon delivered a giftie early- I could have waited, I guess, but hey- patience ain't my virtue, baby!  Besides, my Mom was on the phone when I opened it and my Dad said, "You're welcome! What did I get you?" so...  I not only feel good about it- I feel sparkly! And the included Gloria Jean Hazelnut k-cup was a pure delight! 

Maybe I can bring some biscuits back from Nashville (the ones I had today at The Loveless Cafe were OUTSTANDING!) and we can have coffee together! One cup at a time, of course! 

Where My Girls At?

Hittin' Photo Booth in Nashville, yo!

The Tale of the Yellow Shirts...

In 1985, my family went to Disney (the one in Florida... Land, World, whatevs). We also took in many, many wonderful places that I feel still influence my travel needs! (Weeki Wachee- The Only City of Live Mermaids- is still among the coolest, kitschy-est delights EVER). But Disney, as you may guess, was the highlight. Our T-Shirts? Like highlighters! See, in my memory, my Mom wanted to be able to spot us in the throngs of potentially dangerous people that lurk amongst the rides, kidnapping at will and so she chose for us the YELLOWEST shirts ever Made (in China, no doubt). Forget seeing us from Frontierland, she could see us from SPACE! I had Minnie on mine. My Dad, had Donald (what with the name and all) and my Mom, of course, had Daisy. But the star of the day was worn by Jeff. He had Goofy on his T-Shirt. And you can imagine the shenanigans that ensued when we encountered the "real" Goofy on Main Street, USA. Not allowed to speak, Goofy kept pointing at the shirt, miming a pen, pointing, miming, pointing... you get the well, point? And my Mom, who had assumably taken a Mime Course at the Learning Annex, shouted, "he wants to autograph your shirt, Jeff!!" Oh, the excitement as she dug in her purse* for a pen (*may have been a fanny pack for safety). Oh, the jealousy as I wondered where the hell Minnie was and why wasn't I signing her fucking shirt?

In the end, Goofy autographed my brother's shirt. And then leaned down and was forced to ASK my mother where she got it- which had been his question all along. The lessons? 1) Don't assume anything when there is a Disney character involved. And 2) For every shade of yellow, there is a beholder to see its beauty. Oh, and 3) In no universe, was that beholder my Dad. As I am sure he doesn't have on his fine 80s jacket for warmth!

On a side note- and not that I should be one to talk with my high waist white shorts and mullet-esque hair do but I love that my Mom got a strangers gut in the pic!

WOW!

Rat dog as Geisha? Sweet Mother of God.

With all due respect- someone made this. Took the time to make this.

MADE IT! Crafted it and wants to sell it.

And the scariest part... someone else will buy it.

Christmas... In a Galaxy far far away!

"Modeled after the most well-known astromech droid in the galaxy, this R2-D2 holds a 1 3/4-gallon aquarium tank in his central compartment, ideal for a small freshwater family of goldfish, gouramis, or tetras. The domed head rotates with any vocal command you issue and he utters his familiar "bleeps" from the Star Wars® movies. His radar eye houses the eyepiece to a built-in periscope that provides an intimate view of the aquatic activity below, allowing you to watch your charges swim towards the food you've dropped in from the dome's removable feeding door. Includes filter and overhead LED tank lights that randomly morph between red, blue, and green (lights can be disabled). Includes a two-sided waterproofed cardboard insert depicting scenes from the movie as a background. Plugs into AC. 30" H x 16" W x 16" L. (9 lbs.)"

That's right.... an R2-D2 Aquarium!!!

If only they made an Eye of Sauron gerbil fun land!!

This Christmas...

Day 4 on the VCL brings us to my newest want- a terrarium!! (Complete with Gnome, of course) 

I kinda wanna craft it myself so I guess I should actually put 

Terrariums For Dummies on the VCL...

Oh, Sleep...

...where art thou? 

Nine-Points of Ass Whoopin'!!

SEDALIA, Mo. (Dec. 2) – A hunter* bagged a big buck on the second day of firearms season, but the kill caused him a lot of pain. Randy Goodman, 49, said he thought two well-placed shots with his .270-caliber rifle had killed the buck on Nov. 19. Goodman said the deer looked dead to him,

but seconds later the nine-point, 240-pound animal came to life.
The buck rose up, knocked Goodman down and attacked him with his antlers in what

the veteran hunter called "15 seconds of hell."
"I felt his front legs go over my face," Goodman said.
The deer ran a short distance and went down, and died after Goodman fired two more shots.
Soon, Goodman started feeling dizzy and noticed his vest was soaked in blood.
So he reached his truck and drove to a hospital, where he received seven staples in his scalp and was treated for a slight concussion and bruises.

(*the hunter in the pic is NOT the hunter in the story! That guy is stupid. The hunter in the pic is my Dad. He is neither stupid nor a hunter that assumes a deer is dead.

Cause you know what they say about when you assumer...

U get your ASS kicked by a MEan, pissed off deer!!)

Wee Fish Ewe A Mare Egrets Moose....

Day 3 of the VCL and I thought I would give YOU a gift!! If you have never heard this, teach it to your kids (or most immature friends)... It has lived in my head for far too long!! It is called The Animals Christmas and is sung to the tune of... well, I will let you figure it out! A gift and a challenge! YAHOOO!

Wee Fish Ewe A Mare Egrets Moose

Wee Fish Ewe A Mare Egrets Moose

Wee Fish Ewe A Mare Egrets Moose

Panda Hippo Gnu Deer!

On The Second Day of (my Virtual) Christmas...

...my true love gave to me- some cash and a "Fairy" decree!

(couldn't resist!)

So, before yesterday, this would not have been on my VCL,

but thanks to my wise and cruel Mother- now it is!

And I want one NOW!!!

All I Want For Christmas Is...

It is a time of list making and present wrapping and re-gifting and

gift crafting and so I thought I would add a gift a day to my

Virtual Christmas List!!
(Being on this list does not indicate that I have any real need for the item...
they are just "if I could have it all" type choices!
So, please- don't run out and buy them!

'Course if you really want to, I can't stop you, now can I?
My ring size is 9, btw!! Hee hee...)