Cupping & Poking!

So, in the continuing saga of the ridiculous Hip Kerfuffle.... Thursday I went to get poked. (Yeah, I said poked.) By my favorite poker in all the universe, Douglas. Now Douglas may prefer to call himself an Acupuncturist but it's my blog!!

Let's get this on the table- I HATE NEEDLES! Part of the reason I never go to the doctor, is that so often the diagnosis requires a needle of some kind. I fear that we have only put off the needle in my current Kerfuffle but putting off= not now so I am pretty please with that! So, physical therapy? Fine. Drugs? Yes, please. Ice Packs and Anti-inflammatory patches... well, that sounds like a hoot! But when I broke my arm, I did all the same shit (after the plates and pins and casts to the shoulder, of course) and still had this crazy swelling. At the time, they thought "one of the plates had shifted" causing the swelling and requiring more surgery! Holy Tectonic Plates, Batman. And that is what drove me straight to the arms of Douglas. I don't understand the theories behind the acupuncture. My chai teas was stuck and the needles were going to blast open the pathways. Great.

Here is what I know for sure:

1) The next day, after one session- the swelling went down by 70%!!! Insane.

2) I hate, hate, HATE the teeny, tiny needles anywhere near my ankles. Weird?

3) After continued sessions and for other new and exciting reasons- I went in with a lot of sinus issues. At the time I was readying for my one woman show. Douglas put a needle in the top of my head for the congestion and at rehearsal that day, I was supposed to belt an G and overshot it. NUTS!

4) That Douglas is the best no nonsense, "stop being such a baby", caring, loving, "bend over an take it" poker anywhere! I also learned of my father's heart attack by the elevator leaving his office and I ran back to his office to look up flights and lose my mind and he held my hand and my heart until I knew I had a way to get to my Daddy and for that, I owe him the world. And because I love him and his Eastern witchcraft, I tolerate the needles.

So, why wouldn't I go for my current Hip Kerfuffle. He had seen the show the night before and he has met me- so he is aware at how good a faker I can be and how much I will tolerate so the show can go on. (He also knows my love of the Vicodin so...). And of course, I burst into tears seconds after entering his office and we got down to business. There was some prodding to find the epicenter of the pain (pretty much my entire left hip/ass region) so that didn't take long. Some needles in the low back and hip/ass region with a little electric stimulation to boot! Some chant-y crap music to "calm me" (he is funny, My Poker) and some Cupping!!!

Cupping to me either involves balls or celebrities. (Or both if Jason Statham would just drop by!!) I had seen the pics of Gwenyth and Madonna being cupped but never did I think I would be a party to this nonsense. But Douglas being Douglas didn't actually make it optional and thus out came the cups! They look like this....

Aren't they pretty?? I thought they would make lovely terrariums or fish bowls....

But then you have to add these things....

And now they just look like space age pasties! Or devices for smoking some kinda herb??

According to cuppingtherapy.net

Cupping therapy is the method of using glass or plastic cups to create localized pressure by a vacuum. The Chinese have been doing this since ancient times by using heat inside glass or bamboo cups. Nowadays, cupping sets use suction to create the vacuum. The vacuum inside the cups causes the blood to form in the area and help the healing in that area.

According to me- it hurt. Not a lot a lot (ie: not enough to make me knock off the pretty little glass orbs and run screaming out the room) but enough that I didn't like it. And maybe they released some toxins and stuff- they definitely made Douglas happy with the amount of work they were doing) and I am unsure how much they helped as I left his office and drove to the Hamptons where I got stuck in traffic for hours and had to all but crawl into the house!

But they did make my skin look like this...

Cute, right?! Almost sexy if you are into that kind of thing... There are 5 of these marks altogether- these are the two worst and easiest to photograph (hee hee) but apparently my hip gots some toxins to kick out!! They look even worse today, FYI. I won't tell Douglas any of this because he will just remind me of what a baby I am and then he'll say more mystical, ancient Chinese secrets about how long cupping has worked and he will threaten leeches next time

and I will cry.

'course then we will make some cocktails and laugh it up because that's how we roll...

Yeah. So- Cupping.

I am not so sold yet but it was only the first time... and it is the rare first time that had me convinced doing it again would be a good idea.

Though I imagine the whole Cupping + Jason Statham would work! :)