Notes From A Broad

Thursday, 4 June 2009

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

As I am off to the PR tomorrow- I decided to cut back the wilds of the patio on the sidewalk side. It is a little out of control- branches low enough for me to hit my head on! So, I was just going to trim a few. Do I own the place? No. But I get annoyed and want it to look nice. I got out my clippers and my patio trimmings basket and hacked away. No real rhyme. No real reason. Just a cut here. A clip there. Until a neighbor decided to offer his help... I should have said no but I was charmed by his tale of his childhood and the goats that enjoyed the very plant I was trimming. Ummm, ok. I like goats. What I didn't like was his EXCESSIVE cutting. OMG! He cut down half a tree and then left all the branches on the sidewalk. Sir? Are your goats here? Will they be taking care of this mess? Nope. Turns out that was me on clean up duty. Not a goat to be found.

And really... who doesn't want to spend 2 hours playing Goat? Especially when you still have to pack, do laundry, shower and maybe sleep. Oh, and take my antibiotics!!

Monday, 1 June 2009

Sometimes, the Universe gives us a gift beyond compare. Call it fate. Call it serendipity.

Call it whatever you want- I believe it is a gift and it is meant.

The Universe gave me a Sister and I am so grateful.

My Sister sent me these treats for my patio and a card for my heart.

Both are better for it.

xoxo

Sunday, 31 May 2009

Sick Bay 2009, Part 9

And at 10:46, we are coming up to the end... And so, it is our final report LIVE from The Couch!

-Kings Of Leon MTV promo ad of them playing golf and cursing made me like them more.

-Samberg changes outfit and announces it. Weird. Susan Lucci throws up in her mouth a little.

-Jim Carey wins Best Comedic Performance for Yes, Man and gets a standing O. Who saw Yes, Man? I didn't say yes. Mentions Prop 8 and swine flu in in his over-rehearsed

acceptance monologue.

-I owe myself ten bucks as Ferrell and Popcorn Man were onscreen together thus ensuring they are not one in the same. Oops. You got me, MTV. You got me.

-Heath Ledger wins Best Villain award. We find this out in brief pre-commercial announcement. Thank you for that MTV. For reals.

-Denzel presents Best Movie award to... wait for it... Twilight. I know?! Who would have guessed.

Good night and safe home everybody. This has been Jenn reporting LIVE from The Couch reminding everyone to have your pets spayed or neutered.

Sick Bay 2009, Part 8

Breaking News! Live from The Couch.

-New Twilight clip gets more screams. Jacob? Buff. Transformation to werewolf? Needs work.

Clip makes me wanna re-read books.

-Oscar mock of Ben Stiller's MTV Generation Award presentation is actually kinda funny. Until they add Ben Stiller. Zac Efron was 5 when Reality Bites came out. Christ, I'm old.

- I think WTF Award should have gone to the dude in the Popcorn Man suit. Seriously? WTF?!

-Wonder who will win Best Female Award? Kate Winslet in The Reader? No, wait... Kristen Stewart! Shocker. Why is she so angry? Hey Kristen- way to punch a gift horse.

-Channing Tatum is hot. I'd punch his gift horse!

-I like Kings of Leon live. Didn't think I would.

-More than an hour left?? H E L L Cool J, I need more tea.

Sick Bay 2009, Part 7

OK... at the hour and ten mark.... here are my thoughts since last I reported

LIVE From The Couch!

-Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions song is fun until Will Ferrell shows up dressed as Neil Diamond. Stupid.

-Jonah Hill's reaction to Robert Pattinson winning Breakthrough Actor rules. I would like an appearance by Joel McHale with his thoughts on Pattinson's lame-o facial hair.

- BRUNO descends, balls first, on Eminem and his bodyguards proceed to swat him like a pinata. Em walks and somewhere in that mess Zac Efron wins an award. He gives Oscar speech as it is the closest he should ever get.

-Clip from new Potter RULES.

-random audience plants are stupid.

-clip from I Love You, Man reminds me how much I loved I Love You, Man.

-Kristen Stewart is wearing Chuck Taylors and not well.

-Twilight (the song, the actors, the word...) makes people scream.

-Jim Carey as audience plant is stupider.

-LeAnn Rimes sings I Jizz In My Pants. This is only topped by Forest Whitaker singing

Dick In A Box.

-Miley Cyrus is a big fan of Lil Wayne. She's so white. And says... "I wanna thank God. DUH."

(of course, I do like The Climb a lot. So, whatevs.)

Sick Bay 2009, Part 6

Popcorn Man. Yeah. No. Ten bucks says it's Will Ferrell.

MTV loves their men like they love their ice dancers... covered in spandex.

Sick Bay 2009, Part 5

With nothing else on... I have decided to watch MTV. For those of you without strep... here is a wrap up- so far anyway!

Reporting Live from the Couch on this evenings MTV Movie Awards.

You're welcome.

-Opening Bit? Retarded. Not a Samberg fan, I'm sorry. And I am pretty sure Kate Winslet just threw up in her mouth a little (if she is watching).

-Ashley Tisdale (HSM3) wins first award- Break Through Female. She thanks her cast and calls them her "best friends"... cut to Zac & Vanessa who look surprised at this news.

-Samberg welcomes us back from commercial by singing a bit from "This is How We Do It".

I like that.

-A Ha's Take On Me plays during Twilight's Best Fight Scene clip. Robert Pattinson needs a tan when not in vampire mode. We all know he's Edward Cullen.

-Taraji P Hensen likes Eminem a little too much or perhaps, fire ants were in her dress?

-the lemon dill dressing on my salad from BZ Grill might be delish if I didn't have strep.

-Cut to Miley Cyrus during Eminem's performance... she's white. Sandra Bullock? Whiter.

That brings us to the half hour mark... Stay tuned!

Sick Bay 2009, Part 4

5 Hour Nap? 1

Hours of Graham Norton Pre-Nap? 3

Sore, stilted laughs at Graham's crazy antics? Priceless.

But back to the nap... I do love naps. And I think, maybe, potentially- there is an ease in the pain!!! Could the antibiotics be working? Could the lyrics to the Bridezillas theme song really be-

"can't talk to her, can't kill her. She's Bridezilla!"?? Big questions. Big Questions. Next up on the question list... food or who will deliver the bestest comfort food?

Sick Bay 2009, Part 3

Well timed photos arrive during my latest cup of tea! ADORBS!

My neice and nephew sure are cute!

Super Cute Photos To Make Me Feel Better? 30ish

Sick Bay 2009, Part 2

Fuck you, Groomer Has It. For your Quick Sniff challenge grooming stray dogs that no one wants. Like I needed something else to cry about today. I want to adopt all 6 dogs.

And also for your Jason Vorhees, horror movie, knives slashing sound effects. Am I supposed to be scared? Why do you want to scare me AND make me cry? Stupid Animal Planet.

Maybe I can find an episode of some makeover show involving a disaster struck fat single mom with two kids (one in a wheel chair, of course) who lose their house to a tsunami but find love and weight loss through a make over and feng shui?

Skinny Cow Ice Cream Treats? 2

Sick Bay 2009, Part 1

Day 2 of ridiculous return of Swine. I don't think I have swine flu or anything- in fact I think I have spontaneous strep throat. I was feeling sore throat-y on Thursday. Jay came home from school sick on Friday. GREAT show Friday night but very lackluster post-performance behavior from yours truly as I fought the threat of SORER throat. Got home and warned Nannyland that the Hamptons may not be happening for yours truly and heard that Jay was even sicker at that point. And yesterday? Yesterday SUCKED. My throat hurt sooo much that even the Halls of Medicine couldn't help. Strepsils failed! Strepsils never fail- it's why I import them. I called in Dr. Eunice who is convinced she herself has the swine (though as a doctor who recently treated some Fleet Week Swine sailors- she actually has it. Bless)... She called in a Z pack and I am patiently awaiting it to kick in. I hit the sack immediately post-Harper's Island.

This morning, I was up at dawn. I had had this crazy dream that I was in charge of the physical education program for a school run by the mob and had to make a cake for the Mob Boss who was also my lover. I had to steal cake batter in the middle of the night. And Shaun Francis was in it. Weird. Needless to say- gargle, tea, Chloroseptic and two Strepsils later... I was back in bed with Maria Mena and Klondike on the iPod counting the minutes. (The minutes until the antibiotics kicked in- still counting, btw).

So, because I need something else to focus on... as it is only a short leap from hoping these tears will cool my Throat of Fire to thinking about how they haven't helped the ache in my heart in these past 364 days... I am "twitterblogging" my day. I don't twitter. Whatevs. But I will be hopelessly annoying today!! Who's the lucky reader?!

Cups of Tea? 5

Skinny Cow Ice Cream treats? 1

Hours of Bad TV? 2

Minutes Since I started Z Pack? 942